She & Him

Part 38: Father's Way

My father has never been so outspoken and tempered with anyone in his entire life. Seeing him like this- going after Draco verbally- is beyond his normal capability.

And Draco.

I half expect him to throw the plates and go all in.

Really just let my father have it.

But he doesn't.

"I'm the last person on this Earth who should even be able to gaze upon your daughter. Trust me, Sir- I tell her all the time I'm not worth the air I breathe." My heart twists and tightens in my chest as I watch him quietly speak for himself. "I shouldn't be here- in this world, Sir. I wasn't supposed to be. The only reason I'm breathing today is because your daughter had saved me for whatever psychotic reason. Where most people would want and allow death to come to such a horrible, ugly, unworthy of life human being: your daughter: your Hermione- had given me life. I don't know why, Sir. Despite what she tells me, Sir- it's hard to believe her. I don't believe her when she says she forgives me."

I nearly drop the platter of food when he says it. Tearing my heart from my chest like he always has- but this time, in such a different way. My mother- God bless her- has tears welling in her eyes and my father- he's frozen in his spot with an ashamed face.

"It's hard to believe her when she says she loves me- because I don't even love myself- I never have. I don't deserve it. Never will." Finding the strength to move, I set the tray down on the table and I go to him. Tears brushing in my eyes and body trembling- I grab ahold of his arm and I squeeze him. I hold onto him so hard- I feel I could break him. I don't want him to go away again. I don't want to live without him. "I don't deserve anything. I loathe myself, Mr. Granger. I'm beyond remorseful for all I have done. Forgiveness is the last thing I want."

Pushing my face harder into his bicep, I try to stop the tears from leaving my eyes.

"Stop....please...just stop..." I quietly plead to him and he turns slightly and looks down at me- face all morose and distorted. He cups the sides of my face gently in his cradling hands and brushes my tears away with his thumbs.

"It's alright, My Love." Grabbing onto his torso, I bury my face into his chest: his arms close around me, rubbing my back and cupping my head.

"No...I don't want you to go. I don't want you to feel this way...please...please stop- please stop..." I hate how weak I sound, I feel he does as well. He tilts my head back and makes me look at him.

"Please don't cry, Darling." He whispers as he looms into my wet eyes. I grip his shirt tightly and my whole body shakes horribly against him. "You don't need to be this upset over me."

"But I love you...I love you so much and I can't lose you..."

"Hermione." My father says firmly to me. I turn and shop my eyes to him like daggers.

"No, Daddy- I love him...I love him more than anything else in this world. I want to get married and have babies with him and grow old together. Nothing you say will ever change that..."

"Hermione..." He begins again and yet I can't let him tell me to let Draco go.

"Yes- he has hurt me horribly in the past- but he has made me become so hopeful for the future- our future. If you can't accept that...then...then I'm sorry, but you'll have to live without me..." I cry and they're faces go stale.

"Hermione, stop! I won't allow you to throw your family away for me. Please, Darling- I love you, but I don't want you to know what it's like not having a Mum and Dad who love you. I won't ever be with you- if you do." My body stills and I look up at him- shook from his words and numb from my head down to my toes. "Family is everything- and though I want ours more than life itself- I will walk away from it if you stand here and say you would choose me over them."