IN TIME~Vinnie x Kio

IX

Today, December 12th of all days, was the winter festival.  Hanna, Mae and I would always go to it and we planned to this year as well.  Now hopefully with Kio.

I didn't even want to think of what had happened last week.  I decided to just forgive and forget and pray that she wouldn't bring it up. 

The difference between this time was Hanna was driving this year upon her own request because she'd gotten her license a few months prior. 

Until Hanna got here I put in some headphones and just laid on my bed.  Looking up at the ceiling and blasting Anson Seabra and Conan Gray was a classic evening for me.  It was around five fifteen so I had an hour to soak in the sad songs.

I lay in bed with my arms behind my head, just looking up at the white ceiling.

Music was somewhat of a therapy for me.  I had every sad song in the book.  I wasn't sad.  More wishing for a feeling of somebody hearing what I have to say, or what I'm too afraid to say.  Sad songs seemed to hold that same amount of painful representation.

My heart panged as Alfie's Song came on, a hopeless romantic me, first heard it in Love Simon.  It was so real and painful as the song lyric,

"We were gonna be alright," was sang.  It somehow repeated in my head like an echo of some sort.  I don't know why it hurt to hear, that was a happy lyric.  Maybe I didn't feel like everything was gonna be alright.  There are some things in life that you can't control.  Unfortunately, who stays when you tell them, falls under that category.

I began to think of the plot of Love Simon, how easy it seemed for Simon to hide it.  I guarantee he wasn't freaking out in the middle of the night thinking the way he walked looked "too feminine."  That's what we get for implanting the stereotypes now burned into our still developing brains.  I shook my head as I actually began to feel emotional as 'Robin Hood' began to play.

I felt so silly.  I took in the lyrics and fought off the tears. Blink. Blink. Blink.

So alone.

So alone.

So alone.

The song sang, and before I knew it, as one single tear dared to roll down the side and land in my hair, the doorbell rang.

"Shit!"  I hiss try to somehow wipe the wetness out of my hair and off my face.  I pressed pause on the music and ran downstairs, slipping on the black converse that I'd sharpied on previously.  I was trying to get it over my heel as I opened the door, doing the weird little hop thing to try and speed up the process of getting my shoe.

"Hurry up, rabbit," Hanna laughed, "We've got to pick up Hanna and Kio."

"Okay you know what."  I laugh and finally successfully get it on.  Hanna laughed and looked me in the face and immediately looked concerned. I swallowed as she looked up at my eyes.

"Have you been crying?" She asked, genuinely curious.  I shook my head quickly,

"No-um.  I just put my contacts in,"  That was the first thing that came to mind.

"You where contacts?"  She asked opening her drivers seat door.

Now I do I thought.  But I followed it up with a,

"Yeah.  My vision is terrible." 

We drive off and I distract myself from my overwhelming feelings of continuing to cry.  I watch the trees pass, I notice they're so dull of color and look more like skeletons.   That's my one downside of winter, you don't get the full, forest green color like the luxury in the spring.