Piece Me Back Together (Andreil One-shots)

Neil getting help for his PTSD

Neil liked the dark. He could hide in it, he could disappear into the inky, black abyss and pretend to not exist.

He could curl up into a ball and shrink into himself, he could make himself nothing again by blanketing himself in darkness. Where no one, not even Neil could see himself.

It was terrifying the first few minutes, and it felt like he was falling. Terrified. Lost. Grasping at anything to hold onto. But then he felt nothing. Not his fingers griping at his skull, or his scrunched up face as he held in his screams and crys. Nothing. It was bliss. Untill it wasn't.

Untill small, so very dim light starts to filter in through the small crack of the door. The door of the closest that Neil was curled up in, trying his best to disappear into.

Neil wanted to scream, to run, to pass out, anything. He would take anything in this moment to get rid of the images in his head, he couldn't hold on anymore. He was falling apart.

The first thing Neil felt again were the hot tears streaming down his face. Roling over the raised skin of his scars and all the way down to his chin, where they drop down into his lap.

Neil slowly comes back to reality. Slowly starts to notice where he is. The soft carpet under him, and the cold, smooth walls of the corner of the closet he was pressed into.

The tears burned his skin, seeping into his bones and setting fire to all his memories, burning them away for the time being. He knew all to well that they would rise from their ashes once the embers become too disturbed once more.

And when the ghosts from his past blow hard enough to create a big enough spark, Neil will find himself silently crying, curled up in a ball, in the dark, trying to erase himself from existence for just a second to keep his demons at bay.

Neil always came back from his trance, but he wondered if one day he wont. He wondered if one day he would find himself so deep in that hole that he wouldnt be able to crawl out ever again.

He didn't know how to process that thought, so he didn't. He let it make itself at home in the back of his mind. He let it stay there untouched and unnoticed, but there.

Neil violently flinched, and squished himself into the corner even more when the closet door slowly creaked open.

Light flooded in, and Neil shied away from it with his hands instantly flying up in front of his face. He was a small child again, hiding from his father. 

Andrew carefully, but quickly stepped in and left the door open a crack. Leaving only enough light to make out the dominant features of his face.

Neils pulse steaded a bit just by his presence, but he was still curled up in the ball, shrinked into the corner. So Andrew slowly crouched down in front of him and took in the mess that Neil was.

He sighed, defeated, as he took in Neil's sorry state.

Neil's clothes were sticking to his skin covered in sweat, no doubt from the nightmare that triggered this panic attack.

Andrew was becoming accustomed to this. Something he wasn't very happy about, something he very much wanted to change. But he couldn't erase Neils demons, not from the deep corners of his mind they resided in.

He wished he could. He would take them, and put them upon his own mind instead if he were able too. But he couldn't. He couldn't help Neil. He couldn't stop the demons from tearing his psyche apart, leaving him a sweat soaked, teary eyed mess.

It made him so angry. Furious even, but he would let the anger and self hatred dig its claws in later. Now he had to pull Neil out, get him out of the hole he was in and pull him back together.