Fuck, I fell for my best friend - Luke Hemmings [ LRH ]

10. Tension

November 2016

B

I had been back at home for about a month already. Back to my day to day life, without my second family as I usually called them. It always struck me as weird, how I could get so close with people that live so far away from me. But we did, we became friends almost the second that we met.

They became family, which is way this thing with Luke was freaking me out.

That conversation in his car about it feeling like a date didn't go further than that. He said that it did indeed feel like a date, I internally freaked out and stayed silent, he didn't say anything else, we kept watching the movie. 

We were getting quite good at avoiding stuff. Which, I learned later, was not a good thing.

Anyways, I was back at home, back to my classes. I had just started college that year and I had decided I was going to major in literature. My dreams were torn between owning my own bookshop (that would be the opposite to those overly commercial ones in which the employees know nothing about anything) and becoming an editor, a book editor. I couldn't decide which I wanted more.

There were so many things that I enjoyed doing. The music production and song writing, plus photography and all that other stuff I did, I loved it, but I didn't want to make any of that my actual job. All that was kinda like a hobby.

The music stuff actually started when I became friends with Taylor, yeah, Swift. After some months of friendship, one day she told me about some lyrics she was writing but couldn't quite wrap it up. I had always wrote stuff on my own, without an actual purpose, just for myself, so when she showed me the lyrics I found myself suggesting words, or certain changes or whatever. We ended up writing the song together and it was quite good. That was the moment I realised I liked writing songs. And when the song was out, seeing how people loved it, it was super weird but also very fulfilling, I loved having the ability to make people happy.

That's how I started writing songs now and then. But I always knew that it would only be a hobby.

Talking about Taylor, she facetimed me one of those days, right after I got out of class.

"Hi" She said adding "Ugh you look like shit" once she saw me.

"Ha, thanks a lot" I rolled my eyes, chuckling. "I had a long day"

"Yeah I figured. Have you been working on that song that you told me about?"

"Mm, kinda. I have too much studying to do, you know. I'll let you know if I get to anything relevant" She sighed.

"Well, I don't wanna sound like a broken record but, it's really gonna be good for you to get all that off your chest. You've never written about that"

"I know. I just... I don't know, I guess I just wanted to forget about it" I sighed. "But you're right, enough is enough, I should give myself the chance to process it instead of doing as if it never happened, after all... it's been almost two years"

"Exactly what I'm saying" She answered, smiling. "Changing the subject, have you talked to Luke lately?" Tay knew about what was going on between us, she was the only one I told, not even my whole life best friend knew.

"Um, yeah, we talk. I don't know what to do honestly. You know how much I love him Tay, and this thing that's been happening is... fun. If I'm honest with myself, I don't want it to stop. But I can't fall for him, you know that. It is not an option. But he's my friend, so the wisest thing to do is to end it" I rambled a little. "But I also don't know what will happen if I do end it"