Lost and Damaged

Chapter 05. Boyfriend

I wake up and see Flynn walk in "Flynn hey" I say getting up trying not to wake up Carrie "why the hell are you living here?" I look over at Carrie and get up walking Flynn out of the garage and closing the doors behind me, "my dad is an abusive drunk you've been out partying sleeping with whoever getting drunk you haven't been here Flynn and it's bad that I'm living here did you know I got used for sex?" I say whisper yelling she just looks down "yeah so fuck off Flynn stop being such a dick whenever you haven't been here I've always told you that I'm here you haven't told me once since my brother died" I say scoffing and walking off I walk into carrie's room to get dressed "hey" I say to Luke poofing in hoping he'll turn around and which he did Luke poofs in and he noticed I took my shirt off which only leaves me in a sports bra and sweat pants and he quickly turns around "sorry" I quickly get dressed "okay" he turns around "so we wrote a new song" I smile "what is it?" He hands me the song "it's called numb" I immediately look at him and back down at the song "I figured you related to it if it's to much-" I cut him off before he could finish his sentence "no no no it's good it's perfect" I say looking at the lyrics "sounds good, we can work on it after school?" he nods and I hand him the paper and he grabs it I start walking away "hey jules" I turn around and look at him "I'm sorry for everything you didn't deserve what happened to you" I smile all I wanted to do is hug him but of course I can't do that why? Because he's a ghost "it's okay it's not your fault" he nods "it's not yours either it's his" I smile "kinda is" I walk out and walk to school I bump into someone as soon as I look up I see who it is "Ricky?" my ex boyfriend my first everything I never lost my virginity to him but I loved-love him "hey" he smiles big and I immediately hug him and he hugs back tightly "I missed you" he said digging his head into my neck "I missed you more" we pull away from the hug and just stare at each other for a few seconds, I look down and clear my throat I tend to do that a lot. I look back at him "so how are you and nini?" He sighs "we broke up" I tried to act sad but I couldn't really help but be happy I miss him so much we ended on bad terms well kind of he had to move to New York and neither of us wanted to end things but didn't want to do long distance and when he told me he had a girlfriend or had feeling for someone we both lashed out on each other I was happy one minute then I wasn't I just miss being in his arms in all honesty.

"What happened?"

"She chose someone over me wanted to be with another guy" I look at him with sorrowful eyes "I'm sorry Ricky you didn't deserve that" he sighs "yeah what's been going on with you?" I laugh and look at him "well Carrie and I are friends Flynn and I got into a fight and I'm in a band my parents as you know aren't nice so I'm living with Carrie now and I got used to have sex and I almost got into a fight" his eyebrows raise up "woah seems quite a life" I laugh "yeah" Julie just do it tell him how you feel "I-" he turns around and I immediately stop talking "nothing never mind let's just get to class?" He slowly nods his head deciding if he should let it go but he decided to we walk into class and we're in science and he sits by me and he tears a piece of paper and writes on it and slides it to me.

𝐓𝐫𝐢𝐠𝐠𝐞𝐫 𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠; 𝐬𝐞𝐱

'𝓌𝒽𝒶𝓉'𝓈 ℴ𝓃 𝓎ℴ𝓊𝓇 𝓂𝒾𝓃𝒹?' I smile and write back '𝔶𝔬𝔲' and I slide it back to him Ricky has always had pretty handwriting where I grew up at I always wrote differently, he smiles and writes back sliding it to me '𝒽ℴ𝓌 𝒹ℴ 𝓎ℴ𝓊 𝒻ℯℯ𝓁 𝒶𝒷ℴ𝓊𝓉 𝓉𝒽ℯ 𝒿𝒶𝓃𝒾𝓉ℴ𝓇𝓈 ℴ𝒻𝒻𝒾𝒸ℯ?' He slides it to me once again and I read it and smile really big '𝔧𝔲𝔰𝔱 𝔩𝔦𝔨𝔢 𝔬𝔩𝔡 𝔱𝔦𝔪𝔢𝔰?" I slide to him and he writes back and slides it back '𝒿𝓊𝓈𝓉 𝒶 ℒℐℱℱ𝒯ℒℰ 𝒹𝒾𝒻𝒻ℯ𝓇ℯ𝓃𝓉 𝓉𝒽ℴ𝓊ℊ𝒽, 𝒿𝓊𝓁𝒾ℯ :)' I smile and I walk out of the class without saying anything and so does Ricky the teacher was passed out so it didn't matter while everyone else was doing homework we go into the janitors office which it's like a closet but it's a little bit different I close the door and lock it and Ricky pushes me against the wall, our faces were only inches apart I start unbuttoning his shirt and he unbuttons my jeans and slips off my shoes and we did it and I know Ricky isn't using me for sex so everything with him is perfect, we get dressed walking out of the janitors office and we both laugh "I gotta go" I say turning to him and he just sighs "got band stuff to do?" I laugh "well when you say it like that doesn't sound as fun" he laughs and gives me a kiss on the lips and then the cheek and the on the forehead "goodbye girlfriend" I look up at him "is that what we are?" I say smiling "well I would hope so" I smile and lean in for a kiss which in return he kisses back "goodbye boyfriend" I say whispering as kids walk past us he smiles and I let go off him and I walk home and I go into the garage "hey are we ready to start working on the song?" I say looking at all of the guys "yeah" they all pick up the instruments well not Alex he sits down and picks up his drum sticks and I walk over to the piano and sitting down and start playing a rhythm for the song and I pull the mic close to my mouth and start singing.

I'm tired of being what you want me to be
Feeling so faithless, lost under the surface
Don't know what you're expecting of me
Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes

Luke and the boys come in singing the harmony

(Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow)

I start singing again

Every step that I take is another mistake to you

Then Luke and the boys come in singing the harmony again

(Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow)

Luke starts singing again

I've become so numb

I start singing again

I can't feel you there

Luke starts again

Become so tired

Luke and I start singing together and we look at each other.

so much more aware
I'm becoming this, all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you

I sing again

Can't you see that you're smothering me?
Holding too tightly, afraid to lose control
'Cause everything that you thought I would be
Has fallen apart right in front of you

The boys sing the harmony again

(Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow)

I start again

Every step that I take is another mistake to you, I sing that looking at Luke.

The boys sing the harmony again

(Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow)

Luke starts again

And every second I waste is more than I can take

I start again

I've become so numb

Luke looks at me and starts singing again

I can't feel you there

Tears swell up in my eyes and I look at Luke

Become so tired

Luke starts up again looking at me with the same emotion

so much more aware

I start up again

I'm becoming this

Luke joins in with me

all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you

And I know I may end up failing too
But I know you were just like me with someone disappointed in you
I've become so numb, I can't feel you there
Become so tired, so much more aware
I'm becoming this, all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you
I've become so numb, I can't feel you there
I'm tired of being what you want me to be

I sang the last part on my own

I've become so numb, I can't feel you there
I'm tired of being what you want me to be

I think everyone felt the emotions with that song everyone was in tears I stand up wiping my tears and Ricky knocks "hey oh sorry I didn't know you were with the band still" I smile "no it's okay everyone this is Ricky my boyfriend" Luke's head snaps to me "boyfriend?" I look down feeling bad "ex boyfriend but now boyfriend we have history basically" I smile looking back up at Luke "I'm gonna go bye guys see you later" they stop playing their instruments and disappear for Ricky but not for me obviously I walk out with Ricky and close the garage doors behind me.