Sugar High

I Would Rather Eat My Own Dick

I scrumple this periods profit forecast into a tiny ball and launch it in the direction of the shredder. The forecast is good, its always good but my mood is not.

3 hours ago I sent Robin to take supplies to Camila, 3 hours and I have heard nothing.

I check my phone, 6 msgs sent, 0 msg received.

Was she still at my place or had she gone?

Did she die after I left of alcohol poisoning?

Is she now adequately hydrated?

Did she like the outfit Robin chose?

Is she lying in my bed waiting for me to get home to reward me for the trouble I went to? Well, the trouble Robin went to but I put him up to it so I deserve the credit and the thank you sex

I tap loudly on my desk whilst tapping my foot anxiously on the floor and my stomach feels like someone is pouring acid into it.

Is it legal to sack someone because they left you on 'read'?? 5 more minutes and I'm getting on to our Personnel department to find out.

Out of the corner of my eyes I spot a purple blob and I jump up and peer out of my office window towards Robins cubicle and there they are, just sitting there chatting into the phone like I'm not sat here waiting for them to return.

Heaving my door open I let out a sharp whistle. Robin turns around and they roll their eyes when they spot me looking very impatient in the door way

"Get the hell in here" I whisper yell and they take another 30 seconds to end their call before getting to their feet and walking into my office. I'm standing next to my desk, attempting to keep my hands to myself and off of Robin's neck

"Whatever's wrong Mr. Mendes?" the eyes are wide and innocent and I notice for the first time that Robin wears mascara but they aren't distracting me so easily

"Don't fuckin Mr. Mendes me. You know the information I want, now give it to me" I cross my arms over my chest and I'm suddenly aware of my size compared to Robin, yes they are tall, maybe only an inch or two shorter than me but they are built delicately

"Yes she was still at your place, yes she was still alive, no she had not secomb to alcohol posting nor had she choked on her own vomit, yes I made sure she drank something, yes she ate something and yes she did vomit it back up. Is that it? Was their something else? "

" The clothes... Did she like them? Did you pick good? "

" The clothes were on her body as I left"

"Good! That's good right?" they don't answer me, just roll their eyes and I want to grab them by the neck and shake... Hard "Right?!"

"Yes, it's good"

"Good. Good work, thank you. Maybe I will call her tonight, just to make sure everything you're saying is true"

"Actually she's going out tonight" I just about choke as my heart leaps from my chest into my throat

"What?!" I squeeze the word out through my restricted airway and wait for the reply

"Dinner and a movie"

A fuckin date?!

I grip the edge of my desk and I'm surprised it doesn't break off in my hands

"A date?" I try to sound calm but the playful smirk on Robins face tell me how transparent I am

"Kind of, I guess, you said it was just a friendship and she said she wasn't dating anyone so I though why not?"

"A date with you?!" they nod and I reach for their shoulder ready to do something, but I'm not quite sure what "I'm about to lose my mind here Robin. What the actual fuck are you playing at?!"

"Nothing, I mean, she was there and half naked and hot and you both had said you weren't dating and I haven't been on a date for a while so I thought..."

"So you thought you would just slide right in there and take my girl?!

Mother. Actual. Fucker!

" Your girl hu? "

" That was a slip of the tongue it wasn't... "

Oh who the fuck am I kidding I drop down into my seat and rest my head in my hands

" Robin, I have problems"

"You have feelings Shawn not problems, there's a difference"

"No there isn't, I don't want problems and I don't want these fuckin feelings either. Make them stop"i clutch their arm and give my best puppy dog eyes

"No can do"

"What the fuck am I going to do?"

"Give in Mr. Mendes, give in"

"Right and end up ruining everything by being me or end up with her hating me or even worse end up with her loving me and then me being the asshole that I am breaking her heart. She doesn't deserve that. She doesn't deserve someone like me, she deserves someone sweet and kind and caring"

"And if she found someone like that?!"

"I'd fuckin kill him" Robin starts laughing hysterically and now I want to fuckin kill them

"Don't laugh at me or I will sack your ass"

"Yeah right, like you could survive for 5 minutes without me"

They have a point...

"OK so help me then what do I do?"

"You could just I dunno... Tell her how you feel?"

"I would rather eat my own dick"

"okay then sit back and watch as some other young, hot guy comes along and swoops her up from under her nose and its his dick she's eating"

"Robin you're killing me here"

"Just say Camila... I have feelings for you" easy as that... Not!

"That I don't want to have"

"And maybe we should date"

"Because I don't want anyone else dating you or because I actually do want to date you"

"Mr. Mendes!! Do you want this girl or not because believe me, I am more than happy to swoop down and take her from under your nose" Robin swipes my water and takes a large gulp

"Funny! You don't even date girls"

"Of course I do"

"So what about Jamie?! Hu?"

"Jamie was a girl"

"Cameron?!"

"Girl"

"So you only date girls with guys names that means Camilas safe" I drum my fingers on my desk knowing they are right, it might not be Robin, but someone will snatch her up, she's too good to let her get away, so why is my head busy coming up with hundreds of ways to scare her off?

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