Love Always, Theo

Letter Eight

To my dashing Clara,

My last letter was full of sadness and despair, the pain of losing a child leaking out of each letter that decorated the page.

But this letter is different, a letter or hope that lit up the darkness we had found ourselves in.

After Aurora's death we struggled to keep going, hiding away in the house we had more or less bought for her. Refusing to go in the bedroom that was littered with all her stuff. All the clothes, toys and blankets that she never got to use.

Death is a cruel thing isn't it. Aurora never had a chance to live before her life was ripped away from her. And what good to anyone was that? I should count myself lucky I guess, at least I have lived a happy life surrounded by love.

This letter is about the day when the now grown adults found themselves sobering out of their depressive state and learning to live again.

This letter is about our second go at a family that I hope to god works. This letter is for our daughter.

We haven't met her yet and she is only small but I hope one day we do. She hasn't got a name or a nursery yet in fear that she will perish like Aurora.

But I have a feeling deep down, that this time we will hear a heartbeat. This time when we drive home from the doctors we will be in happy not sad tears and clutching the most precious thing in the world. Our daughter.

I can't promise everything will work out, as in the last months we have found out life is not a fairytale. Life is hard and cruel and you can only survive in it if you are capable of being hard and cruel also.

But that's the thing, I fear I'm not.

Early 2020

"Clara, where are you?" I shouted as I entered the home we had lived in for a couple of years now.

Everything was the same as when we had moved in. The same carpets, the same furniture. It was almost like we were holding onto a life we didn't have. A life that died with Aurora.

I got no reply so by instinct walked to Aurora's room.

It was still untouched from the day we realised we would never bring her home. A layer of dust set over the nursery, us both to weak to enter the room often.

The door was closed but I could still hear muffled cries. They echoed down the hallway and grew louder and louder.

I thought the worst and rushed in to see my wife kneeling on the floor with her head in her hands.

Something had broken inside Clara, the once bubbly girl I fell in love with had turned to a shell of who she once was. She was still darkly beautiful and laughed like everyone else. But the laugh was always empty.

"Clara." I whispered kneeling down beside her.

She was shaking but and still crying but a haunting smile spread across her face.

She was clutching something in her hand, but was holding it from view.

For a terrifying moment I thought that the girl I had fallen in love with was so shattered that she was going to hurt me.

"Clara, what's wrong? Your scaring me." I asked with obvious fear in my voice.

Clara began to laugh, the same laugh she had used so many years ago.

A laugh filled with love, not the now usual emptiness.

"Theo! I have amazing news!" She cried smiling a happy smile."

"Care to elaborate?" I laughed.

"I'm pregnant!" She cried as I felt the tears prick my eyes.

I picked Clara up and hugged her before she showed me what she had in her hand.

It was a positive pregnancy test.

"Bloody hell Clara, I though you had gone off your rocker!" I laughed loudly.

"So did I for a while. I just couldn't deal with the world anymore. But here we are, expecting a baby." She cried.

All the hope that the world wasn't so harsh was filtered back into our lives that day.

Back to present/ letter

We had spent so many years, mourning and in that small two minutes our life changed forever. We were happy and carefree again, making us unprepared for the worlds next strike.

I will be with you, even in the darkness.

Love always, Theo.

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