Love Always, Theo

Letter Ten

To my love, Theo

Last night at 10:39 pm I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl named Theodora Rose Jones.

She has thick dark hair and your eyes. It's been a few months since you died and I have never felt so lost. I woke up every morning questioning what was the point. But I had to keep going, for our daughter.

Things are looking up though, every time I look at Theodora I see you, not the you in your last few weeks but the you I remember you as. The you I met. When you died you gave me her and I couldn't be more grateful.

I still feel numb inside though, so broken from the trauma of losing the love of my life, that I feel I can't function correctly. But I'm getting better.

I'm writing this letter for closure, to say goodbye and be a better mother for Theodora. I still think about you every waking moment but I need to mask the pain for her sakes.

I read your letters the week after you died, they were so full of love and memories. Memories I had forgotten about and you had just been observant.

It was nice to see our love story from your perspective, but I still prefer mine. A sad girl who had just been left broken hearted meets a handsome stranger under the moonlight.

Throughout the letters you ask me whether I feel or felt the same way and the answer is yes. The minute I saw you I fell in love and the moonlight always radiated of your skin also.

I love you Theo, and will never stop even though you aren't here anymore.

Our love story was beautiful wasn't it? Two broken souls finding each other and breaking even more along the way. Romeo and Juliet.

I have already started telling Theodora about you. Here favourite story is our first Christmas. She always giggles at that.

You told me to move on and to live my life as if you were never here. I'm sorry Theo, no one tells me how to live my life and I choose to live it with you in my heart. Forever.

I can't give my heart away when it already belongs to someone else can I? Alive or dead.

I still feel alone though, Theodora brought some light back into my life but not as much as you did.

You said we would never be separated, yet we have and I'm mad about it.

I hope every time I feel a chill it is you giving me a hug or every time I wake up randomly in the night it's because you were waking me up.

I know your still here Theo, I can feel it and as you beautifully put it 'love never dies'.

I hope that one day we will be together again. We can live somewhere away from the city where the skies are clear so the moon can shine down on us for eternity.

But I fear our last goodbye, was goodbye forever.

The worlds so cold without you and even the moon doesn't shine like it once did. I'm writing this letter under the moonlight.

I have take to citing out late at night looking up at the moon. Sometimes if I focus hard enough I can still hear you faint whispers telling me how beautiful I am of that you would love me always.

I will love you always, Theo.

           It's just me and the moon.

Love always, Clara

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