Love Always, Theo

Letter seven

To my dainty Clara,

I remember the day that we snapped out of la la land and entered the real world. The day that we were sobered from our honeymoon faze and reality slapped us in the face.

The day we grew up.

It's funny isn't it. You can be on top of the world one moment, happy and carefree. Then the next the bubble that sheltered you burst and you are drowning in the deep waters of despair.

This letter starts happy, a young couple expecting their first child, making preparations and screaming it from the rooftops. Already having picked the name and decorating the room.

Then the letter quickly turns sour. It rots into one of the worst nightmares the world has to other. Miscarriage.

I have never felt so much pain, the pain to lose a child that I never knew but at the same time had one of the deepest bonds too. Love.

I can't imagine how you felt though. You carried the baby that we were so excited to have. You spoke to the baby for months and then in the blink of an eye it was over.

Our world came tumbling down.

Summer 2018

"Clara! Where are you?" I called as I looked around our new home.

We had said goodbye to the flat and moved into a house in preparation for our new arrival.

"I'm in the babies room!" Clara called as I followed her voice.

She was stood on a ladder, painting the walls of the room bright pink.

"What are you doing?" I laughed as paint splattered the tip of her nose.

"Well what do you think I'm doing? Fighting a lion?" Clara laughed wiggling her eyebrows.

She was six months pregnant and her baby bump was showing through her dungarees. Her hair was scrunched up messily on the top of her head and paint covered almost every inch of her.

She looked just as good as she did the day we got married.

"Take a picture it'll last longer." Clara smiled as I was pulled out of my trance.

"Oh bog off, and we have a doctors appointment in like five minutes." I warned as her face dawned with realisation.

"Shit! I best get ready." Clara shouted carefully stepping down and fast walking out of the room.

I looked at the walls of our baby girl's room. They were pink and showed the effort her mother had made. From the slight splatters on the floorboards to the smudge on the ceiling. It was perfect.

"Come on Theo! We're going to be late!" Clara shouted from the bottom of the stairs.

"I'm coming Mrs Jones!"

"You know, I don't think that will ever get old." Clara smiled as we walked out of the door.

***
Clara was laid on the bed with the ultrasound machine beside her.

"Are you excited!" The doctor squealed happily as she prepared Clara for the ultrasound.

"Very! Little baby Aurora is going to be loved by everybody, I can tell." Clara chirped as we held hands in anticipation.

"I am sure she will." The doctor smiled.

"We have almost finished her nursery, we just need to get her in it now. The anticipation of having to wait nine months is killing me." I chuckled as the doctors face suddenly went blank.

The doctor gulped and her once cheerful expression turned to one of sorrow as she looked over at us.

I could see the look of confusion mixed with worry etched on Clara's face and I didn't need a mirror to tell me I was wearing one similar.

"I am so sorry." The doctor muttered.

"There isn't a heartbeat."

As the words sunk in a could hear Clara's distant wails as I desperately tried to support her.

I suddenly felt less like a carefree twenty something year old, but a man who had seen many tragedy's.

Back to present/letter

I am still truly sorry Clara, the look of utter despair that masked your usually happy face still haunts me. And I remember the whole aftershock of the doctors appointment through a Misty filter. A filter of tears.

Aurora was never forgotten though and we will see her again, one a lot faster then the other.

But she will be remembered in our hearts forever.

Love never dies.

Love always, Theo.

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