Love Always, Theo

Letter nine

To my deeply beautiful Clara,

I'm sorry. I'm sorry that this has happened and I am sorry that I can't find the words to say this out loud. I'm sorry that I will never grow old with you or walk our daughter down the isle. I am sorry.

I'm dying, you know this and we are acting like it's not happening but it is, and I'm so mad at the world for it.

Everything was finally falling into place. I was a happy married man, living in a lovely house and expecting my second child.

We were so happy and as I write this my tears are falling on the paper smudging the ink.

Please after I am gone read these letters. You will always have a physical part of me then, my memories.

I have another request also, tell our daughter about me. Tell her how we fell in love and how her father wished that he could watch her grow up into the beautiful young woman he knew she'd become.

I wish there was something I could do, but I get weaker and weaker each day as the disease rots me from the inside out. I hate the fact that I am leaving you the most though.

You are and will remain to be my world Clara, no matter where I am.

I have one comfort in this whole ordeal though. I will be with Aurora. I don't know whether I believe in heaven but I do believe that when my body fails and can't take the pressure of keeping my heart beating, I will go to a distant land where I will live with Aurora.

I will wait for you Clara but you must promise me one thing. You have to move on. I want you to fall in love again and build a family for our daughter. We are so young and the thought of you being alone hurts. I just want you to be happy so please, don't let this ruin your life.

At first I was terrified of death. When I found out that the chances of my survival were slim I paced back and forth until my bones seized. But the initial shock and terror wore away with the massive amounts of over thinking.

I'm not scared anymore. All I'm worried about is you. Like I always have been since I met you on Halloween night back in 2015.

And it has been a rollercoaster of emotions. But I wouldn't trade any of it. You have made me feel something Clara, whether it be love or just happiness. I had nothing and then I found you and I was complete.

We didn't need to get married, we didn't need to have kids. All I needed was you, that was enough for me.

The moon is shining again tonight, I know it is my last night too. My last night in this world, my last night with you by my side.

It's like the moon has come to take me to that distant land. It's like the moon knew all along my outcome and I was just biding my time.

These letters are the scrawly writing of a dying man to the person he is leaving behind. To anyone else they would seem silly and pointless. But I knew that I couldn't say goodbye to you Clara, at least not with my words.

Each breath I take becomes harder and harder. More effort is needed and I can feel my body shutting down.

You lay beside me, unaware that I'm taking my final breaths. Your fast asleep for the first time in weeks and I don't have the heart to wake you.

You look so peaceful.

I will love you always Clara

Love always, Theo.

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