FUCK!

6. May

May decided to visit. I haven't seen her in months. It was rather unexpected. She even dragged her kid along with her. The next thing I know she's at my doorstep with a crying baby at hand. She tried to pass the baby to me, but I dodged it, I'm wearing my only clean shirt. Nothing has changed since she started dating the baby's father though. She looks 'malnutritioned'. Just can't figure out if it's because of the baby's instincts to suckle onto her bosoms or the father's constant nagging and need for attention that's the cause. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

"Do you want to?" May asks holding her baby up like it's the fucking Lion king.

"No," I say bluntly, "I'm just- do you want something to drink?" I ask standing up, not giving her enough time to answer.

My sister and I have never really gotten along. It might have something to do with the fact that she was raised by my aunt and uncle and grew up to become everything I ever ran away from.
A single mother, man drama and no job. I know it wasn't her intention to get pregnant directly after high school but now with no job, she has managed to tangle a web involving a child and a lot of man drama.
I have man drama in my life too, but mine isn't attached to a moving, breathing foetus.

I return to the lounge where she is seated, speaking to her baby in baby voice. I place a mug of coffee onto the coffee table before her and sit down, mine in hand.

"Thanks," she says and grabs the mug.

"Have you talked to Leo?"

She avoids my question and goes back to speaking to her child. The baby doesn't even fucking understand you, I restrain myself from saying and drink my coffee. 
This is why we don't get along, she's just like me, she runs away from all of her problems instead of fixing them. I wish I could say that's a good thing, just because I also do it, but it's toxic. But that's where the comparison stops. She could mature a bit more in my eyes and since she got a child I thought she would, but my Leo's genes run strong in that one.

"He knows," I continue, "he knows you have a child."

She stops playing with the child and stares at me, "You told him? I thought we agreed you wouldn't tell him?"

"Did you expect him not to find out? Of course, Leo found out. His father," I point at the baby cooing on my floor, "has slept with everything that moves. Surprised he hasn't barked up my tree. Hell, I'm even scared for your dog."

"Oh, my fucking word," she sighs softly, "Lilah, that's not why I came. I came because of mom," she says rubbing her hands together.

"You haven't visited her, have you?"

"No," she sighs.

"When last did you visit her?" I ask

"I don't know," she waves her hand with a chuckle, "I think when I gave birth to her," she says wiping her baby's mouth.

"So, in three months?" I laugh, "You have no job. Could have spared a day to visit."

"Well, I also have a baby. I can't just up and go anywhere I want to, can I now?"

"That sounds like a you problem. I didn't tell you to get knocked up."

"Fuck you, Delilah," she says standing up and grabbing her baby's toys and the baby itself because fuck me if she was to leave the baby behind. She stops and looks at me, "Mom is dying. So, I thought that maybe, just maybe you'd step off that self-proclaimed pedestal of yours and try to get along before she dies. That has always been her dying wish; for her only two girls to finally get along. It's only the two of us, Delilah. Dad doesn't love us or care for us. He only gives us money because he lost his other fucking daughter who was perfect and we're like his fucking alternatives who he has to support because of guilt. But you don't get that, do you? You just think about yourself and go on a ramp about other people's businesses. You wouldn't even fucking hold your fucking niece or call her by her name or play with her," her voice breaks, "and I might not have a job, I might have a baby, no money and a guy who is barely around, but at least I'm happy. You on the other end are a selfish, manipulative, judgemental cunt who is going to end up miserable, living off daddy's payoffs."

She stands up and walks to the door but not before stopping and looking straight at me, "And for the record. There's a reason he has fucked everything that moves except for you!"

My ears ring from the banging door and from my peripheral, a figure appears. "You heard it all didn't you?"

"Yes, especially the selfish, manipulative, judgemental cunt part," Shar says peeking out of her room.

She walks out of her room and sits directly where May was sitting. She stares at me, her mouth opening and closing.

"She wasn't wrong," she finally says with a straight face.

Instead of my normal response of reflecting and being defensive, I nod. It's not that far from the truth and it might be something I needed to hear from someone as unbiased as May. She might be my sister, but any critique that comes out of her mouth is true. I'm always learning that the hard way.

"You can be selfish, and I know everyone can be selfish, but you are a bit much and this is coming from a place of love so don't kill me," she continues, "You can also be a bit manipulative and I think you're so used to getting your way it seems normal to you. As for judgemental eh-I love that about you."

I Iaugh at her dull attempt to cool the situation down, "I know," I say.