Shifting Boundaries | RyujinxYeji

Chapter 41

Ryujin's POV

I bowed my head down, looking at my lying knees on the floor. Did we become too happy for the past few months? Why is it so sudden?

"Know what? My family suck. When I was a kid, my mom would always tell me how I ruin things and that I'm hardheaded and stupid even if I wasn't doing anything..." I mumbles while running my fingers on my lap, "I badly want to play with Jisu unnie but whenever we're playing and she gets wounded, I'm always the one to blame no matter how she'd deny that I never did wrong. I was always questioned with everything I'm doing, the way I like playing guns and video games, the way I don't like dresses, and the way I'm holding guitar instead of books-I was always wrong and everything I do was never appreciated by my mom. My dad used to defend me in that kind of situation but he's not always there for me since he's often on his work so I got nothing but only myself. My mom would humiliate me in public by shouting at me or scolding me and all I can do is to bow my head and accept the darting eyes on my direction..." I heavily sighs while holding the bouquet of peonies.

"I'm really that annoying kid in class back then because I want attention. Whenever I'm home, I never had that attention from my family. Dad was the very best that I could ever have but what do you expect from a born businessman?" I chuckles while telling that. I wonder if she's listening. I wonder if she's behind this door, listening to my blabber. "Never in my life that I saw mom, hugging dad or even kissing him on cheeks. I never heard them saying i love you's with each other unlike those couples that I would often see in television-from that, I knew they were never in love-or maybe mom was never in love since I would often see my dad crying alone before. He would cry in the corner of their room and I would always stick my ears on the wall to overhear his sniffs that I find funny before. Every night that mom would sleep with Jisu, I would hear that cry from a tough man I've always idolized-my superman who never got tired of defending me from the villain which is my mom..." I wiped the falling tears from my eyes before releasing a laugh.

"I was in a home with no love at all. The presence of love of a mother and family was taken away from me. And I grew up...not learning how love really works? I didn't know if I can still love someone. I didn't know how to, it was complicated feeling for me...but then I became a freshman, a vocalist of a new formed band consisting my friends in middle school..." I says as I reminisces that memories, "The election was held and I voted the girl with a cat eyes as a president because her eyes looks very pretty. I thought that's it already but then when I forgot my guitar, I needed to borrow one in the music room. The door was half opened that time and as a curious cat, I peeped inside and was really amazed by someone who's playing a piano. I didn't even know what piece she's playing but-damn she's too good. My admiration started from that...and I never knew that time will come we'll be one as a lover. From that on-I wanted to protect her from the deepest part of my heart...and I think because of her I finally learned what love really is."

"Love has no definition. It couldn't define by words or actions or the music you're listening to...love is something you just feel in an instant without expecting to feel it. And I know, I felt it with you and I'm always feeling it with you..." I picked an almost hanging petal, tilted my body to the side before slipping that petal under the door. The petal was too light to push but I feel how it bumped with something-and I hope it's Yeji...I hope she listens well.

"If I opened up about my situation earlier than now...will you cry with me? Would there be some instances where I'd wake up next to you with my swollen eyes, or maybe lean on your shoulder while crying...or cry it out loud next to you..." I almost whispered. I heard something slipping on the floor that's why I looks down and sees a bed of adhesive bandages coming from her room.