The Hidden Card || NCT MAFIA

Chapter forty-five: Humans are deeply flawed

The soft knock on his office's door made Taeyong look up from his paperwork. He rubbed his tired eyes before speaking up, "Come in."

Iseul appeared at the door, and the first thing that Taeyong noticed were her clothes. She was still wearing her blood-stained shirt and dirty jeans, her hair still a mess from the pouring rain.

"You should have showered and put on fresh clothes," he frowned, looking at her up and down severely. "You'll get a cold."

Iseul didn't bother looking down at her unkempt appearance, choosing to focus her eyes on him instead.

"I don't care," she spoke, closing the door as she made her way to his desk. "We need to talk."

"Not now," Taeyong cut her off, adverting his gaze to his files.

"Yes, now," Iseul responded, irrevocably.

Taeyong let out a heavy breath.

"What is it?"

"What's going on?" she asked, making a point of finding out what he was hiding from her.

"What are you talking about, Iseul?"

"Oh, don't you dare try to play dumb with me, Lee Taeyong," she groaned, already having enough of his poor act. "You and I both know there's something you're not telling me, and I want to know what."

Iseul took a deep breath, her voice softening as she went on, "Come on, we've been through this already, Taeyong. I thought we were past that whole 'keeping secrets from each other' thing. You said you wanted me to come to you and be honest with you, but how can I when all you do is keep things from me? 'Honesty goes both ways', right? That's what you told me. So I think it's time you listen to your own words, because I'm getting tired of this."

Not once had Taeyong looked away from her eyes as Iseul spoke. He knew she was right, but he wanted to protect her above anything else. Not to mention that he couldn't entirely trust her, not when there was a mole in his house. He wanted to trust her so desperately, but his rational side forbid him to.

What was he supposed to do?

Just as he was about to open his mouth to, yet again, spit out another lie, someone barged in the room, interrupting his thoughts.

Kun stood in the doorframe, frowning once he noticed Iseul standing on the other side of the desk, facing his leader.

"Oh, sorry," he quickly apologized, "I should have knocked."

"It's fine," Taeyong said. "Did you need something, Kun?"

He quietly thanked his friend for his perfect timing, allowing him to escape Iseul's questions.

"Uhm, yes, actually," Kun said, his eyes travelling from the girl to Taeyong. "We have some news about... gang stuff."

He had said the last couple of words as if he was unsure of how to correctly phrase it, shooting a worried glance at Iseul.

The girl waited a second, hoping Taeyong would allow her to stay, or even say something like 'Oh, go ahead Kun, feel free to speak in Iseul's presence, I have nothing to hide', or something along those lines. But her hopes were quick to disappear when the room fell silent.

Of course Taeyong would never say that. What was she expecting?

She scoffed and rolled her eyes at Taeyong, "I'll leave you to your 'gang stuff' matters, then," she spat, bitterness filling her tone. "If you're looking for me, I'll be stuck in my room with Chaewon, seeing as we're apparently not worthy enough to hear about your secrets."

Iseul felt terrible. She knew she was acting like a capricious child, but she couldn't help herself. There was only so much she could take, and she had had enough of it.

So many secrets, so many lies.
She was tired of it all. Tired of them all.

She was a very patient and understanding person, but even she had her limits.

They only wanted to see her as a defenseless, temperamental kid? Fine. She'd act like it, then.

As she was reaching the door, she suddenly turned on her heels to face the two men,
"You know," she began, her words poisonous, "you guys keep asking and demanding honesty, when all you do is lie. Maybe you should take a look in the mirror once in a while. You're far from being trustworthy yourselves. You think you can't trust me? Yet you're the ones whom I'm not putting my trust in anymore."

Without adding anything else, she left them, not wanting to spend another second in their presence. Her heart ached badly. She cared about them, yet it seemed they still had their walls up when it came to her. Even Kun, whom she thought she could trust, was beginning to close himself to her, and that broke her heart.

Iseul tried to swallow down the painful feeling as she made her way to the infirmary to check up on Jaemin.

The room was empty, a couple of beds lined up on both sides of the room, separated by blue curtains. The only occupied one was the last bed in the left corner of the room, next to the window, where Jaemin was peacefully laying in.

She quietly approached him, not wanting to wake him up, and a sickening feeling twisted her guts as she observed her friend's face. He was so pale.

Iseul grabbed the nearest stool and sat down next to Jaemin's bed. She gently took his hand in hers, caressing his cold knuckles with her thumb.

Jaemin woke up when he felt the girl's skin against his own, but he was still unable to move. He didn't know what Doyoung had put in his blood, but it was strong. He had no idea how long he had slept, as he couldn't open his eyes, but he was glad to know that he wasn't alone.

He tried to squeeze his friend's hand, but his fingers didn't respond to his brain. So he waited.

After a few minutes, Iseul cleared her throat.

"I hope you're not in pain," she muttered. Her voice was a bit broken, and a stinging sensation made his chest hurt.

Iseul was sad. Why was she sad? Because of him?

"I'm sorry you had to be there," she added.

Jaemin wanted to tell her that he was alright, that it didn't hurt anymore, thanks to Doyoung, and that none of it was her fault.
But a part of him also wanted to yell at her for being so reckless.

Jaemin had lost a lot of blood when the second men attacked them, and he was barely conscious at the time, but he still heard the deal that he wanted to make with Iseul.
He still heard her accept.

Jaemin had heard her say that she'd give herself away to save him and Chaewon, and he wanted to scream at his friend for that.
What had she been thinking? If it wasn't for Taeyong suddenly appearing out of nowhere, Iseul would have been gone by now.

More than anger, Jaemin mostly felt guilty. The anger making his blood boil wasn't only directed at Iseul, but at himself.

He had been weak.

If it wasn't for Taeyong, Iseul would be gone, and it was all his fault. He hadn't been strong enough to protect her or Chaewon.

God, he couldn't even protect himself.

He was a mafia member and he hadn't been able to take care of his friends.

He had failed.

And he hated himself for it.