His red scarf [Feitan X Reader]

Chapter thrirty three

A long while later, your sobs echoed into small whimpers, but the tears didn't stop falling. He pulled away from you slightly, leaning back in his upper body as his hand travelled up your body to your face, stroking the tears from under your eyes. You looked at the man in front of you, hands still wrapped around his neck as you felt his breath on your lips. He peered down at you, those eyes flickering between your own as he gently leaned in and planted a soothing kiss to your lips. It wasn't the type that you had shared with him before, his lips gently caressing your own, speaking volumes of emotion in one single movement. It was nice.

"Let's go somewhere and talk" he whispered onto your lips, his voice still hushed and fragile

After receiving a small nod from you, he took your hand in his own as the pair of you walked away from the carcass of the man that you had left behind, without a single glance back. You hadn't realised how well his hand fit into your own as you matched his steps, allowing him to lead you out of the ally way and towards the edge of the city.

Feitan thought the walk was comfortable and quiet, as he occasionally glanced down at you, reassuring himself that you were there and real. But your mind was nowhere near the content state that Feitan found himself in. your mind was a whirlwind of torment, anxiety and confusion engulfing your thoughts, to the point that you unconsciously disassociated out of your head, allowing your body to be guided down the streets.

A small squeeze on your hand brought you back to reality from your spaced out state of mind. You looked around and found yourself on the bank of a river, the setting sun casing a warm glow across the dancing ripples of the water. The pair of you sat down on the grassy slope, admiring the view and warmth from each other's bodies as your shoulders grazed against each other, hands still intertwined.

Feitan was the first to speak after the drawn out silence

"[Y/N}, I..."

You could tell he was struggling to find the words, he had never been the literate type, which in an odd way, was something that you had always found endearing about his personality. You gave a small squeeze of your hand, and gently rested your head on his shoulder, hoping that the physical reassurance would help him a little. Taking a deep breath, he started again

"[Y/N], I looked for you. I promise. The moment you walked away I felt this ache in my chest, I felt like I was letting something important slip away from me. I've never felt this way in my life, and I'm sorry that it took me so long to realise. So, I searched for months. After the group disbanded I tried going back to where we first met, I hired private investigators and spent half a fortune on travel expenses. But you were gone. I couldn't... "

You listened intently, tears brimming in your eyes as the months of doubt and anguish were washed away by his words. But as his voice began to falter and he eventually tailed off, you glanced up at him for the first time since he began. He too was crying silently, clenching his jaw as he tried his hardest not to break down and be strong as he relived the months of doubt and anguish, not too dissimilar to the ones you had endured.

You snuggled closer to him and reached a hand up to cup his face. He didn't look down at you, instead opting to reach up and cover your hand in his as it pressed against his cheek. The swirl of oranges and maroons cast a warm glow across his features, and in that moment, as he gazed out across the lake, you were convinced that you had never seem him so vulnerable and utterly beautiful.

He kept your hand against his cheek as he breathed in slowly and continued, eyes never once breaking from the scene in front of him.

"The Troupe reassembled for a few missions, and each time they had to force me to leave my search. The boss even threatened to kick me out if I didn't prioritise the group. But you don't want to hear about that" he added with a small laugh

"Tell me please? I want to know" you said, eyes still tracking the movements of his face as he spoke. He glanced down at you, eyes searching around your face

"Really?" He whispered; never before had anyone shown the slightest interest in his life

"Really really" you whispered up at him before laying your head back on his shoulder, wrapping both hands around his arm that supported you. You gave it a quick squeeze as a signal to go on with his story. He smiled fondly down at you before returning his gaze forwards and continuing.

{Spoilers}

You listened as he told you about how Chrollo lost his nen ability and the troupes adventures in a game called Greed island. You laughed when he told you about the "girly girl" comment after the battle with the Chimera ants and the new member, Kalluto.

He told you about discovering that you were in the same continent as him after the group dispersed, and his search leading up to the past hour, when he was reunited with you. He told you about his childhood in meteor city, and you cried when he shared his sadder anecdotes, and smiled when he shared his happy ones. After a while, you told him about your past; about your life of solitude and separation from the people and place you once considered home.

The sun had set a long while ago, and the pair of you found yourselves sprawled out on the bank of the river, your head resting on his arm that was wrapped lazily around you as you watched the blanket of starts that sheltered you. You felt so much closer with Feitan, and each laugh and tear that you shared only made you fall deeper. You loved him. You were sure of that now. This was the man who you wanted to spend every second of every day with.

But through all this, as hard as you tried to supress it, the nagging feeling kept pushing up from your gut. The feeling that you were so used to, something that you once considered a tool, a sort of gift. Now it ignited fear and contempt in the pit of your stomach. You hated it, the curdling in your gut whilst your heart and instincts battled desperately against each other. All this time, you had been trying to ignore it, but the longer you sat her, the longer the feeling manifested before it was a blinding pain in your heart. The one thought that played on loop:

He has to die.