Soulmoon - A Remus Lupin x Reader Soulmate AU

February 4th 1977

TRIGGER WARNING - Mention of self harm!!!!

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The howl was so high-pitched it cut through your head, making you want to run away. But not this time. You were so close. The light from the tip of your wand illuminated the dark tunnel, as you walked, careful not to be heard. You felt groggy, your vision blurry but sharp at the same time. With every step, your heart beat faster making it feel like it popped out of your chest with every beat. You could see the light from the full moon at the other end of the tunnel, and you braced yourself for what was hiding out there.

Suddenly another howl came, followed by a bark and a whimper. It made your whole body scrunch together in pain, as the howl raced through your head. You leaned against the wall, feeling a sharp pain in your right wrist. As if someone was cutting through it.

You woke up with a gasp, sitting in your bed. "What a weird dream", you thought to yourself. Tiredly, you rubbed your eyes and got up. You felt restless in some way, deciding it would be a good idea to get some water. You tiptoed into the bathroom, past your sleeping dormmates. The mirror showed you your dishevelled appearance as you turned on the faucet. Letting the water run cold, you looked out of the window. It was a beautiful night, no clouds in sight and the stars were shining twice as much as normal, in your opinion. The full moon illuminated the Hogwarts grounds in a silvery light, and if you didn't know better, you'd say tonight was magical, in a way.

***

"Remus?" You asked, as you walked into the hospital wing. As James had explained, the boys had tried out another prank and failed. Again. Remus answered you with a tired grunt as he straightened himself up in the bed.

"I just came to tell you that we have a Potions assignment coming, and to ask if you were okay?" You sat down on a chair beside his bed. He was all bandaged up again, with blood stains on his arms. "What potions assignment?" He simply asked, looking at something behind you. "Just something about the Alihotsy Draught. Don't worry about it."

"That's the one that causes laughter, right?" He asked, now fidgeting with his bedsheet. "Remus. I know you're trying to distract me. What happened to you?" You tried again, this time a little more steadfast. "A prank." He looked down, but you didn't buy it. Not this time. Not so many times in a row. "Remus." You stood up from your chair, and looked at him sternly. "I don't believe you. Okay? Please, I am so worried for you and all I get is this stupid excuse. I know you guys. The Marauders don't make mistakes. They don't fail on pranks."

This made Remus let out a tiny laugh. "And if they do, why does it always hurt you?" You looked him in the eyes. "I am giving you one last chance to tell me what's going on. Okay? I know I said it's fine if you don't tell me, but It's not. I'm worried for you, and this only makes it worse."

"I'm fine N/n. Really." He grabbed your hand, and gave you a fake smile. You took a deep breath, gathering all the courage you had. This had been going around in your mind for a while, and you had to know.

"Are you.... Are you harming yourself? Remus?" He looked down, not answering. You could feel the tears gather in your eyes, as you squeezed his hand a little bit tighter. "Remus?" You asked again, through sobs.

"No, I am not. Trust me, Y/n." He looked at you, but you couldn't look at him. His hesitation to answer told you everything you needed to know.

"Please don't, Remus. I want to help you." You simply stated, tears rolling down your cheeks, before walking out of the hospital wing, not knowing what to do with yourself.

***

March 6th 1977

Students were rushing to the stands, ready for the next quidditch game. You were sitting next to Lily, by the enchanted microphone, watching the crowd of yellow and red scarves get bigger. Hufflepuff vs. Gryffindor, the long awaited quidditch game. The game would begin in about 10 minutes, and you still hadn't seen Sirius and James walk into the locker room. A thing that was just as bad, Remus and Peter hadn't shown up yet either!

You sighed. "I hate this." Lily nodded. "Where are they? They wouldn't bail on a quidditch game. Would they?"  You shook your head, but sighed. "I really don't know. I mean... Peter, Sirius and James bailed on us yesterday..." 

"I know... How could they do that? As if planning Remus' birthday wasn't important to them at all!" Lily exclaimed frustrated. "If they complain about any of our decisions at the party, I swear to Merlin I'll hex them!" You let out a worried laugh, glancing nervously at the quidditch field.

"Hey guys." Peter said, supporting a limping Remus. "Sorry we're late." They sat down next to you and you could feel your blood starting to boil. "Did you fail another prank?" Lily asked sarcastically, ready to scold.

"No," Remus smiled, trying to calm down Lily. "I fell down the stairs. That's why we're late." You laughed a little, unsure if it was a real or a fake laugh. "Was that why you disappeared last night too?" You asked, copying Lily's tone.

"No! Well, yeah?" Peter looked at the two of you sheepishly, then at Remus. "No? No!" Remus let out a laugh. "We had a study session last night. The boys asked me to help them write that transfiguration-assignment."

"Oh..." You answered, defeated. "I don't know if I should believe you or not."

"You definitely should!" Peter began. "He helped me out a lot! Like, a lot, a lot. A LOT. I'm sure he helped raise my grade from a Dreadful to a Poor, I'm sure of it! It started out hard but-"

"Welcome to the Hufflepuff vs. Gryffindor match! I am your amazing host, Y/n Potter, and I will make sure this game is the best you've ever been to!" You yelled into the microphone, relieved that Madam Hooch had given you the signal, stopping Peter's nervous ramble.

***

"AND MONICA YATES CATCHES THE SNITCH, HUFFLEPUFF WINS THE GAMEEEE!" You yelled out, trying to hide your disappointment. It was one thing to be biased against Slytherin, but not Hufflepuff. They were fair players, so they deserved to be commentated as such.

The four of you made your way down to the locker room. Peter and Remus were rather slow, so you decided to rush ahead to the lockers. There was something you wanted to know. 

"Sirius! James!" You greeted, panting from pushing past the others. "Great game, right?" The boys nodded. "Fair game, pity to loose though..." James answered, shrugging. "WHERE. WERE. YOU. LAST. NIGHT." You pushed your twin angrily against a tree, as he squirmed to get away. "Why did you bail on planning Remus' party?" 

You could feel how uneasy James was, but you didn't care. "Answer me."

"Fine! Sorry, Y/n..." He let out. "We got caught up..." You tensed, gripping James tighter. "Caught up doing what." You stated, rather than asked.

"Well... Peter wanted to get some cake, so we snuck into the kitchen." Merlin. He lied so easily. You let go of him with a smile and a, "Fine. Don't complain about the party, then." 

You were sure. The boys were definitely hiding something from you and Lily.