We sat on the stoep, talking about your day. How your mother treats you unwell, your father cheated again and your brother has been nonchalant about everything.
"My family sucks!" You stated and I thought maybe you will understand how I feel.
"I have something to say." You turned to me and gave me your undivided attention.
"I have depression. Had a for a while really. My family has been emotionally abusing me all my life. Teasing me, taunting me. I was also physically abused and..."
"Woah, why are you making this about you? And what do you mean you are depressed? You don't look depressed at all. Nah man, I am sure you are exaggerating."
In that moment, my heart broke. I didn't understand how you could disregard me like that when I listen to your every word. I hug you and tell you everything I can to make you feel better... and you hurt me like this?
Why? What did I do to you for you to be so inconsiderate and emotionless towards me?
I wish you understood how mental illnesses work. I wish you had the ability to unlearn the b.s stigma towards mentally ill people. I wish you hugged me and told me that you will be there. I wish you were a better friend.
I shook my head, stood up and left. You barely spared a glance at me. That night, I attempted suicide and ended up in hospital once again. Those words cut me deeper than any knife would. Your behavior towards me was as bad as twisting the knife into my already bleeding heart. All I wanted was for you to understand me.
At the end of the day, I used that knife to cut you out of my life. I was glad to rid myself of your toxic ways. I may be alone with no one to understand me, but it is better this way.
I hope you will understand someday.
