𝕒𝕣𝕖 𝕪𝕠𝕦 𝕤𝕒𝕥𝕚𝕤𝕗𝕚𝕖𝕕//𝕞𝕔𝕪𝕥 𝕩 𝕣𝕖𝕒𝕕𝕖𝕣

𝙎𝙄𝙓𝙏𝙀𝙀𝙉

ɪꜰ ᴏɴʟʏ ʏᴏᴜ ᴋɴᴇᴡ ᴍʏ ᴅᴇᴀʀ, ʜᴏᴡ ɪ ʟɪᴠᴇ ᴍʏ ʟɪꜰᴇ ɪɴ ꜰᴇᴀʀ

I was awake well before the others were the next morning.

It was barely light outside the window of Tommy's bedroom, illuminating the bodies of Techno, Wilbur, and Phil sharing the air mattress on the floor. Meanwhile, Tommy, Tubbo, and I shared his bed. It was cramped, but I've never felt closer to peace listening to their soft snores.

I lazily blinked, absolutely tired but unable to close my eyes and drift off to sleep. So I stayed silent, recapping what had gone down yesterday.

Your first kisses are always supposed to be special, right? First anythings are special. And yet, I couldn't find complete happiness from the moment Jacob grabbed me by the shoulders and planted his lips on my cheek. Don't get me wrong, I definitely was blushing when it happened and my heart didn't stop pounding for a good ten minutes afterwards. But, it was what happened right before that hurt me.

I grabbed pitifully at my chest, trying to dissect the exact emotions I was feeling. It was exhilarating to know that Jacob cared enough, was attracted to me enough to kiss me. I wanted him to do it again, oddly enough. The little affection was getting to me. Probably boosting my ego by the second--

"Buddy?" I jerked in my place, turning my head over to the sleepy Tubbo, who was already looking at me. "Why are you holding your chest? Are you hurt?" His voice was quiet enough to not wake up the others, but loud enough for me to hear them clearly.

"No, no!" I hissed, frantically trying to reassure him. "I'm fine, I was just thinking." His eyes scanned my face as he relaxed against the mattress, curling the blanket over his body.

"You don't look okay. Is it something that you're worrying about?" I turned so instead of lying on my back, I was on my side.

"Not really. I don't think." I confessed as Tubbo's hand slithered up to grab mine. We both squeezed twice, Tubbo blinking tiredly. "I'm thinking about Jacob." Tubbo's mouth pinched immediately and the once soft tired look on his face grew much more serious.

"Did he do anything?" I shook my head immediately at their reaction, biting my tongue inside my mouth. Tubbo's eyes scanned my face. "If he did, you know you can tell me, right?"

Yeah, and then they'll hate him even more. They went feral over the idea of you being at his party, what do you think a kiss will do?

"Yeah, I know." Deciding to listen to the voice, I swallowed down the guilt and blinked back the heat behind my eyes. It would be a literal crime to cry after lying to their face. "If anything happens to me, I'll be sure to tell you." The smile he gave me was so blindingly pure that it made my stomach churn painfully.

I shut my eyes and forced my breathing to steady, feeling Tubbo shuffle and get comfortable in his spot. I made my brain shut off, eventually lulling myself back to sleep. Overthinking made me tired.