"Who knows what? Stevie, you're getting paranoid again. Just yesterday in your dressing room..."
"I've just left this envelope for us too then?"
"What envelope?" Lindsey frowned, taking it from her.
He didn't know what to expect when opening it. He pulled out a picture of himself, Stevie's hand grabbing his to get him inside, obviously not quickly enough. There was a note that simply said, 'Good morning, Lindsey'.
"Good morning? Good fucking morning?!"
"I don't seem so paranoid now, do I?"
"Where did you find this?"
"I was coming back to bed, when someone knocked on the door. Found this and nobody or nothing else."
"Fan-fucking-tastic! This is what I needed right now!" He didn't care about raising his voice. "Kristen is already on my tail! All I hear at home is her accusations!" He was oblivious at how his words were making Stevie feel. All of a sudden, she felt as a seedy secret and that she was, but it had never dawned on her as badly before. "She would never ask how the tour is going, how is it having Christine back, no. All of her questions are always about you!" She didn't say anything, wanting to get as far away from his as possible at this second. "Steph, I'm sorry..." He noticed the tears forming in her eyes at last and took her hand, keeping her from running away. "You know what I mean."
"Everything you've just said made me feel so cheap, Lindsey."
The honesty in her voice was painful for him to hear. "I didn't mean it like that, Stevie. I just... This." He showed at the envelope. "This isn't something I thought I'd start my morning off with. How are we supposed to find out who this person is that took the picture? What do they want? Like I said, things between Kristen and I are bad enough as it is."
"What about the things you said when you came to see me on Christmas?" She asked carefully, not wanting to fight with him first thing today.
"What did I say?"
"Oh, I see..." Her hand slipped out of his and he instantly knew he screwed up.
"I have a lot going on and this added to the list of things I have to worry about, forgive me if I forgot something we talked about."
"Well, you said you were ready to leave your wife, but I should have known that was just another lie."
"It wasn't a lie, Stevie. I mean it, I have to wait for the right moment."
"Have another baby with her while you're at it then!" She yelled and hurried to lock herself in the bathroom.
"Come on!" He sighed loudly. "I'm not still with her to have another child, I have to deal with the three we have already! Steph, I haven't left Kristen yet, just because I don't know how to talk with the kids about it!"
"You've had years and years to figure it out!"
"My children aren't someone, they are my flesh and blood, Stevie."
"And they've always been your excuse."
"You wouldn't understand." Only when he said the words he realized just how wrong he was to have chosen them to say to her at this exact moment. "I'm so sorry! Oh my god... I don't know why I've just said that!"
"I hate you!"
"And you have every right to, Stevie, I'm so terribly sorry... Please, open up, baby. Let's talk."
"Don't you fucking 'baby' me right now! And I don't want to talk to you, I don't want to see you! I want you to leave!"
"I will, I'll go, because I know you and I know that you won't talk to me, but I'm begging you to forgive me and... And I love you, Steph. You know that."
He repeated the same three words once more, with a tiny bit of hope she might come out, but she didn't and he knew it was best for him to leave her alone.
~
It was time for the encore. As usual, Mick was the first one out on stage, then John and Christine followed. When they weren't like a cat and dog, Stevie and Lindsey would be the last ones to walk out, hand in hand. It wasn't any different now, which surprised Lindsey greatly, he held Stevie's hand in his and gave her a smile.
"Apology accepted?" The tone of his voice couldn't be more hopeful.
His question was met by silence and the smile faded off his face. He knew very well that his words hurt her deeply, but they were also true. Of course he wished for nothing more than to divorce Kristen and be able to finally be happy with Stevie, but saying he wasn't rushing as she would have liked him too, he meant that. He couldn't live without his kids and as painful as it was for her to hear, she couldn't possibly understand.
Lindsey saw how fake the smile Stevie was wearing on stage was, but he also knew her well enough to know she wouldn't let any of her true feelings to show through. He leaned to kiss Christine on the cheek, waited for Stevie to do the same, and then he lead them to their places, unable not to concentrate on her snatching her hand away from his much sooner than normally.
