captain | levi x reader

thirty one

oh god im so sorry for how terrible this is, but I'll have the next week off of school so I'll have so much time to write! I'm sorry for the delay of updates, school has really been a poopy head -.-'

and hey hey hey hey i might be writing a kaneki x reader for the tokyo ghoul fans like whoa

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Y/N's POV

I once thought that I'd go my whole life without seeing a sad Hanji. I never really expected myself to feel just as hurt as Hanji, because looking at Hanji cry herself to sleep was probably the most saddest thing I've seen as of today. Levi insisted that I should give her some space, but with me being the friend I was, I stayed with Hanji until i was told to leave. 

She told me that she lost so much information about those titans and kept so little, she had also told me that if only those two titans were spared then we'd be so much more steps closer to finding the secret to the titans outside of the walls. 

"I'm not going to say that it's okay." I whisper, "Because I know that it isn't. I would know, because, not even two days ago did someone I loved died."

Hanji just sniffled, rolled around in her bed, and perhaps even shed a few more tears. I just sat in a chair and spoke to her, consoled her, and once in a while gave her a reassuring hug.

"I also know that it's okay to let go, I would know." I sighed.

"Tell me this, [Y/N]. If Levi died, would you let go?" It was the first out of a good hour since Hanji spoke. I would of been relieved that she had chosen to speak but her first sentence had thrown me off quite a little. She had crossed a line that I hoped she not to cross, but she did and I kept myself composed because she didn't need unnecessary scolding or angry remarks.

"Levi won't die." I say. "He's strong."

Then out of all things that Hanji would of replied with, she laughed. It was a more of a insane laugh rather than a happy one, as if she were to have actually gone insane.

"Strong? Has he ever told you why he even joined the Survey Corps?" She finally spoke after what seemed like an hour of laughing.

"No, he hasn't but you don't have to ask me, Hanji. You know he's strong." 

"Am I strong?" Now she wept. It as though every single topic touchable was too sensitive to talk about.

So I gave her a reassuring smile, patted her back, and said "Of course you are."

"So then why am I making such a big deal out of this? Your father died not too long ago and you're not mourning as much as I thought you would of."

I pretended like the mention of my deceased father didn't hurt, like it wasn't a sensitive topic to cross. Afterwards, I thought about what Hanji just said to me and processed it for a while in my mind. Why was she making a big deal out of this? They were just titans after all. Although, she loved to talked about Sawney and Bean and she loved them both. Crazy, I know. 

"Because of all the lost information?" I reluctantly replied.

She scoffed, "That and... I felt like they had feelings too."

I felt relieved. Not only because she had stopped sobbing hysterically, but because she had said something that wasn't related to her strong love for her pet titans. 

"Anyways, you can go now. I'm sure Levi is waiting for your company."

"You sure you want me to go?" 

"Yes. I want time alone."

Shortly after, I left Hanji in her room alone for her own time and made my way down the halls. My plans for going back to Levi seemed to have changed as I felt a little hungrier than I thought. Honestly, I thought I ate an hour ago why am I hungry once more? Shaking my head, I failed to fight the urges of my hunger and decided to go to the mess hall for a small snack.

"Hungry?" A voice uttered from behind me. 

Turning around, I met with a pale faced ginger-haired woman. She smiled weakly and all I could do was squint my eyes at her.

"Yes, in fact I am." I mutter.

"There are some baked potatoes over there," Petra points to a table behind me "The rest of the cadets decided to save one for you. They really like you."

I nodded once, "Thanks, Petra."

"I'm sorry about your father." It was a sudden change of topic, and Petra's words seemed to have stopped me from walking away from her still figure. 

I said nothing to her. Ignoring her comment, I walked towards the plate of the one potato and sat down. That didn't stop Petra from following me, she invited herself to sit across from me. To be entirely honest, I disliked her presence as of this moment. And for her to continue talking about my father's death seemed to have pissed me off quite a bit.

"I heard how he died. It was gruesome." She started once more, and I ignored her.

"Jean told me how he died, apparently there was a lot of blood."

But, I didn't tell Jean anything that related to the death of my father.

"I didn't tell Jean that he died." I said rather coldly. "And please, don't talk about my dad."

For a second I swore that I saw Petra's eyes widen for a moment though when I blinked her expression was back to the way it regularly was. She breathed heavily.

"It's just I feel really gui-"

"Guilty? Why the hell would you feel guilty?" I swallowed the food in my mouth before slightly stomping my fists against the wooden table.

"I killed your father."

I couldn't believe what I had just heard. I checked myself to make sure that my ears were working fine, I mentally slapped myself to see if I was dreaming. But Petra's guilty expression didn't change, and the thick-feeling atmosphere around me seemed to have never changed.

"You're kidding." I refused to believe it.

"No."

Using all the strength I could use to stop myself from slapping her, I glared at her.

"Bitch." I muttered, intentionally keeping my voice quiet so that she wouldn't hear. But oh did she hear it, she heard quite well and clear actually.

"Says you! You took the man that I loved away from me!" Petra, the woman whom I have learned to think that she was perhaps one of the most innocent out of most of the girls here, despite the fact that I detested her, she shouted in the most angriest tone ever and her facial expression was horrid. So many tears fell from her cheeks whilst her eyes growing big and her mouth large from yelling too excessively.

 "And everyone here loves you! The cadets, Levi, Hanji, hell, even the commander takes a second glance at you every time you walk by! You're also so happy. Happy. I want to be happy like you. I thought that if maybe I could take away what made you happy then I'd be happy. I'm so jealous." 

"Petra. I don't give a shit if you're jealous or not. I'm not giving you my pity just because you're jealous. You're my superior, what ever you're feeling is so immature of you to feel. Can you fuck off an-"

And as I was about to finish my sentence, after I saw Levi and Commander Erwin walk into the mess hall to see what all the noise was about, I felt an illicit and excruciating pain in my abdomen area. I remember looking down and seeing the knife plunged into my stomach, Petra looking as horrified as ever while she reclaimed the knife in her hand, Levi rushing towards my side as Erwin rushed towards Petra to hold her back.

Feeling unconscious, my eyelids begun to feel heavier than usual and my back rested against what felt like Levi's arms. 

"Fucking hell, [Y/N]. Stay with me." Levi mumbled. 

"Fuck. Stay with me, you brat. Don't do this to me. SOMEONE GET HER TO THE INFIRMARY NOW."

Then the last thing you saw was the worried expression upon Levi's face before you closed your eyes.