Courtney's Secrets (The Clandestine Series)

Admit Twenty-One

I stomped down the hallway and pounded on Courtney's bedroom door. I didn't care if she took a swing at me. I was ready to defend myself. "Mom?" I twisted the knob but it was locked.

I heard her get out of bed and shuffle over. The door opened, and she stood there in pajama sweats, unaware of what I knew. I held up the fake birth certificate, piercing her with my eyes. "Who am I?" I demanded.

She examined the phony paper, squinting. I could see it registering behind her eyes as they widened, and then she glared at me. "Where did you get this?" Her crazy switch flipped, but I didn't care.

I leaned forward feeling a surge of rage in my gut. "You know where I got it—out of the box in your closet. It's a forgery. Why don't I have a real one?" I stepped closer, putting my face inches from hers, but she stood her ground like a statue, turning scarlet.

She waved her finger and yelled, "You had no right to snoop."

For a moment I nearly backed down, lowering my chin, but then I remembered this was my life I was taking control of. "You left me no other choice. It belongs to me."

"Not unless I give it to you. That copy is mine." She snatched it from my fingertips. "I thought if I raised you right, you would be the perfect daughter. I thought you would listen to me and make me proud, but instead you have been breaking into my bedroom, sneaking out with boys, getting rides, ditching classes—you're a mess."

So she knew about everything. Her words stung. I had done everything I could to make her happy short of giving up my own life to cater to her, but this was just a distraction she was using to veer away from the smoking gun. "We're not talking about that right now. I'm tired of riding this merry-go-round of lies. I want answers. Who is my father? Where is my real birth certificate?"

She started to laugh like a mad woman. Her eyes grew large and her shoulders shook as she looked up at the ceiling and then back to me. "Deja—damn you. You're too smart for your own good." She grimaced like a jack-o-lantern.

Her laughter made me want to punch her square in the mouth.

She folded her arms and lowered her eyelids to slits. "Calm down and back off."

I didn't budge and glowered at her.

She lowered her voice. "Calm down right now, or I won't tell you anything."

It took all of my strength, but I lost the glare.

She sat on the bed and put her palm on the blanket beside her. "Sit next to me."

Reluctantly, I did as I was told.

She lowered her voice. "Deja, I love you. You know that, right?"

I nodded, impatiently.

"After your sister died, God rest her soul, I was at a loss." She put her hand up to her mouth. Her hands shook and her face scrunched up as she tried to compose herself. She took a breath. "I needed you, Deja. I needed you more than I needed air..." She wiped a tear and took my hand in hers, and I took pity on her. "When you were born, I knew I wanted to name you Deja because it was deja vu when I first saw you. You were like Hillary all over again."

Déjà vu was French for already seen or remembrance. I knew this because Lan and I researched what our names meant once, and I pondered Courtney's words which suspiciously sounded like I was a mere replacement for my sister. That couldn't be right...

Cortney continued, "You filled that void in my heart where there was a chunk missing, and I grew to love you just as much as I loved Hilary—right away."