Her Blue Eyes (Twilight/Carlisle Fanfiction)

HBE - Chapter 10

[A/N Dedication for PaigeDaniels this time. Girl, you rock and you officially are the best writer I’ve ever met. I know you don’t read this story but you DO deserve it’s dedication. I love you!

If you are a twilight fan, read Daniel’s story: Another Cullen/Black (Or just check out any of her other twilight fanfictions which are MOSTLY related to Another Cullen/Black)

If you are a fan of supernatural stories, read Kirbyx’s: Special

That’s it! Xx Sylv.]

Chapter 10 – I wish I could cry

Carlisle POV

Why didn’t I know?

I was supposed to EXACTLY know who my mate was. Like every other vampire. It’s like –sorry for the comparison- how wolves know when they imprinted. When you just know you’re meant to be. I’d known Esme was my mate for years, and now I started to doubt it. Something was really wrong with me.

I didn’t want to shatter Melody’s heart, like I’d done with Esme’s. I couldn’t do that. However, my first priority was to find Esme now.

“No need.” Edward said, meaning I was close to the house because he could read my thoughts. But what did he mean? I ran straight trough the door, shattering it into a million pieces. I had no patience to open it. Was Esme home? I crossed my fingers and started praying. ‘Please god, spare Esme. Let it be her. Please, God..’

I ran into the living room where I found all my family members together with their mates, even Jacob was there for Nessie.

“Where is Esme?” I asked, losing my calm temper for the first time in a century. Everyone looked at me nervously. What was it they couldn’t tell me? Bella nudged Edward in the ribs.

“Well Carlisle.. err..” Edward had difficulty finding the exact words, “You see, she is with the Volt-”

“No..” I whispered, looking around the room at my family’s faces. Alice nodded in agreement, sticking out her hand. In it was a crumpled note. I opened it to find Esme’s beautiful, clear handwriting. It read:

Dear family,

I’m sorry I didn’t say goodbye, I’m sorry I couldn’t give you one last hug and a good piece of advice before I left. Don’t, please don’t blame Carlisle for this. He has only brought me happiness I didn’t deserve. But that is something personal between him and I, and his decision if he wants to tell you that. 

I just want you to know, it was my own decision to come to Volterra. Do not come, do not worry. I love you all and wish you the best, maybe I’ll see you in the future.

Love,

Esme.

I folded the letter and I felt my knees give in. I felt arms around me to support me, but they weren’t the right ones. They weren’t Esme’s. I eventually stopped crying tearlessly in Bella’s arms, as Alice tried to offer me a letter. One that was still sealed and kept for me. It was another one of Esme. I finally managed to compose myself and went over to the couch, the letter clenched in my hand. Bella and Alice, the only ones left in the room, left too, to give me some privacy. My hands trembling ever so slightly, I removed the seal.

Dear Carlisle,

Do you believe I sob dryly as I write this?

You mean so much to me, Carlisle, you were my life. When I say were, you must feel hurt. You must be confused but the tiniest bit curious, right?

As I wrote to the kids- I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have left without saying anything. I was angry at first, Carlisle. I was angry you betrayed me, but I was willing to give you another chance. Because you are my Carlisle, and I thought I would never lose you- or let you go. It is difficult to explain. As I sit here, and write this, I see how strange I must seem.

You see, leaving you gave me some time to think. Do not misunderstand. You gave me enough space. But being around you and receiving your dose of love made it difficult to think about you differently than as the best husband in the world. It was not my intention to see you differently, but you left me no choice.

I have hidden something for a very long time. You might laugh at me when you read this, or you might grief yourself to death- which I hope you don’t, because I will always care for you, no matter what. But I love someone else, Carlisle. I love Aro. He might seem cruel to the kids, but I know you are open-minded enough to understand how he can love.

I have always received love of you, and was glad to return it. But there was always, even though I never mentioned it to anyone, something missing. I didn’t feel what I do feel with Aro. I never felt Desire.

Desire and love go together very well, but sometimes you just love someone as a friend- or family in a lot of cases. You of all people must know this.

There is one, last thing I’ve always kept from you. I wished to never tell you. But now that I’m writing this, I need to tell you this, too. I have a daughter. A daughter that has become a vampire without me realizing it. It shocked me, when Edward told me about Melody. I instantly knew it was my Melody, my daughter. Now you must understand why you feel drawn to both Melody and me. I never told you about her, because she ran away from home when she was 14. I thought you would think of me as  a bad mother, or a bad person for losing my daughter when she was 14. She never knew her father.

That’s why I ran away back in the forest. It was all too much for me- the desire I failed to feel for you, the way I’ve kept you with me even though I knew we were never meant to be, how I never told you about my daughter, you making out with my daughter even!

If it could, my hand would be hurting now because I have written this all so fast, I wanted it to be over with, and I had so much to tell and to admit. I wish you understood how much I’m sorry and I wish there was a way to keep you from getting hurt. I wish I could show you.

I wish I could cry.

Esme.

“No..” I breathed, re-reading the letter at least 10 times before throwing it away and putting my hands to my face. I started sobbing, feeling the venom-made tears in my eyes, knowing I couldn’t let them fall.

Yes, Esme, I know how you feel.

“I wish I could cry.” I mumbled.

I was so torn, so sad. I was grieving so much. The pain I was in was unimaginable. The burning of the vampire transformation was nothing, nothing compared to this. My Esme, my beautiful wife left me, I was alone. How could Okkar be wrong? Had Esme changed her mind or.. had Okkar left Esme to tell me she wouldn’t be coming home, even again? “Esme..” I whispered, “please, Esme, don’t do this..” I breathed. The picture of her writing the letter as she cried made me sobbing even harder. But to my surprise, tears actually fell this time. I looked up from my now soaked hands to find a trembling Melody standing before me. “Melody..” I breathed, just loud enough for her to hear, “Don’t leave me alone.” I wailed, crying and soaking her shoulder. She hold me in her small, strong arms.

“I will never leave you.” She spoke the words Esme had said to me long ago.

[A/N Ohmygosh. I cried writing this, but it must be WAY less sad for you guys 'cause I failed at writing the right words! NOH I'M SAD NOW! :( Well, hope you kindish enjoyed anyways! See ya laterz, folks! *fakes Texan accent*