Quick little authors note- how am I already at 83 reads? That's almost a hundred! *groans from audience about that being obvious and lame* Ik ik cheesy but to me it mean a lot. I love every single one of you who are taking time out of your day to read this. Thank you and I love you❤️
Rebecca xxo
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It's been three weeks since I had moved in with Joe. Life has been completely amazing. I was often skeptical because things seemed to be going too well.
But the thing that was going wrong was always just right in front of my face. I love Joe. But Joe is straight.
Joe would never like me in the way I like him. It just wouldn't happen. Sure, he likes me as a friend, but nothing more than that.
Every time I think about it my heart sinks, and I often get into bad moods. I just get so full of sadness that I just can't stand it.
Occasionally I even have to excuse myself from the situation because I knew the second I got away from people my body would be racked with sobs.
However, this has only happened once during a welcoming party, and once just when I was home alone.
In fact, that one time was now.
Joe was out somewhere getting props for his new video. I was sitting in my room, on my bed. Just thinking.
Mainly about Joe. I found myself, once again, thinking about his good looks, his wonderful personality.
I couldn't remember another time I had fallen this hard, until I remembered Tommy Fitzgerald in sophomore year. I had fallen for him almost as hard as I had fallen for Joe.
But that ended badly. Tommy too was straight, and I had never told him about my sexuality.
However I would always be hanging around him, and would be super friendly. Almost too friendly.
So one day when I confessed to one of my "best mates," My secret got slipped out throughout the whole school.
People figured out that I liked him really quickly, and afterwards I got tormented for the rest of my high school days for it. It had ruined my life, and his as well.
He made that very clear to me through a thorough beating up. I still have scars on my face from when he dug in his nails and ran them along my cheeks.
I knew that this could never happen again. I decided that there would be no secrets between me and him.
But then a shocking thought crossed my mind. What if he was homophobic? What if Joe reacted similarly? What if, what if, what if.
No matter what if, I'd never be with Joe. At that thought I felt the tears well up in my eyes. I didn't stop them from falling down my face.
I cried out in sadness, and curled up in a ball. I was still crying reasonably loudly when I heard the door open.
Joe.
"I'm ho- Caspar?" he called out, as soon as he heard me.
I quickly tried to stop crying, though a few more tears still slid silently down my face.
I wiped them away along with the others, just in time for Joe to enter my room.
"Caspar?" He asked, softer. I sat up and looked into those beautiful blue eyes of his.
This is your chance, Caspar! Confess! But I couldn't bring myself to do it. Instead I just shook my head and fell back down on my bed.
"Right..." He said cautiously, apparently still unsure why or even if I was crying earlier.
"Well I'll be in my room, if you wanna talk..." He still had a perplexed look on his face as he walked over to hid room next door.
I took a shaky breath, and forced myself to get up. I was going to confess, at least my sexuality, if not my feelings.
My heart was screaming no with all it's power, beating faster and faster as if to signal this was a bad idea.
Unfortunately, my heart did not possess control over what my legs did, and I watched then walk over to Joe's room.
My reasonable side made my hand knock on his door. I was surprised to see that it wasn't fully closed. As soon as I knocked the door swung open.
Joe looked up at me from his computer, with those breathtaking eyes. Before I knew what I was doing, I said:
"Uuuuum, Joe?"
He responded simply with a single "Yes?"
I looked down at my feet, my brain was starting to listen to my heart. It simply couldn't let it give me a heart attack.
I started to inch my way back towards my room, but quickly stopped myself. I turned around and walked confidently back towards Joe's room. I took a deep, shaky breath, and looked him straight in the eye.
"Well...," I pulled at my collar and looked down at the floor before stating the next part: "I'm kinda... gay."
I looked up to see a slightly confused expression, but not an angry one. Thank god it wouldn't be a repeat of Tommy Fitzgerald.
I felt like a million pounds had been lifted off my shoulder just by saying a few simple words.
"Cool..." Joe said finally, slightly nodding his head.
Oh no, would he still like me now? I didn't stay to find out.
I quickly walked back to my room, shutting the door to signal I didn't want company. Unfortunately, it didn't do shit.
Joe barged into my room moments later, and started asking a lot of questions.
"Who else knows?"
"You're the first I've told."
"How long have you known?"
"Few years."
"When are you gonna tell your viewers?"
"I dunno."
"But you've had girlfriends?"
"Didn't care too much for them."
"Do you like any boys?"
That one threw me for a loop. Although it was something most people asked when someone came out to them, I somehow didn't expect Joe to ask me that.
Obviously he got the message, and the corners of his mouth turned into a sneaky smile.
"Who's the lucky boy?" Joe asked mischievously.
"No one!" I was quick to respond.
"Aw come on I can tell there's someone"
"Really Joe..."
"Fine, fine, whatever you say." He responded sarcastically, as he put his hands up and walked out of the room, with a smile on his face.
I was so glad that he had taken it the way he had, an that we were still friends. although, I don't know how much longer that would stay true if I told him my feelings for him.
No, no Capsar. You've revealed enough for today. Just get some sleep. So that night, I drifted off peacefully, as Joe filled my dreams.
-----A/N-----
Okay I know I already did an author's note in the beginning, but I just quickly wanted to ask you about my chapter lengths. They seem to vary, don't they? What is your preferred chapter length?Love you❤️
-Rebecca xxo
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Just Two Boys - Jaspar - boyxboy
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