Just Two Boys - Jaspar - boyxboy

Chapter 23 - Truth Hurts

trigger warning!!

-Caspar POV-

I feel so fucking worthless. My breath hitches as I lay my eyes on the knife rack, my teenage years replaying in my mind.

I try to forget about what's going on as I re-live so many similar memories.

I pick one up and bring it to my wrist. In between the first two cuts I ever made. I suddenly remember my promise to Joe. The knife clatters to the ground.

I broke my promise. I broke my promise. Joe, I'm so sorry. I feel another wave of worthlessness wash over me. Can't even keep a fucking promise.

My phone buzzes and I look down. It's a long paragraph from babe❤️❤️❤️ (Joe.)

He's seen my name in his phone. He thinks I'm his girlfriend. Was all the gay completely washed out of him?

Perhaps it's just power of suggestion. People expect him to be straight. That's what society expects of everyone.

In preschool, no one ever asked me if I thought any guys were pretty. It was all girls. Through my middle school years, I was expected to think girls were hot.

Except I didn't. But no one knew. Everyone assumed I was straight, just as they do with everyone else. It's disgusting, really. That we humans are so bound to stereotype. So obsessed with fitting in. Judging everyone who is not like them.

Joe's words hurt. He doesn't remember. My life has no meaning anymore. I text back a quick reply with more tears than ever. Admitting the truth is so hard. But it has to be done.

My life is now officially worthless. The thing I lived for, gone. No meaning. I mean, my life is very insignificant in the grand scheme of things. Very much so.

I am just another worthless life, thinking they could be happy. But life isn't fair. Not everyone can get their way. Not everyone can be happy.

Life has dealt me a bad deck of cards. I'm unlucky. But most people are, in some way or another. At least they can find new ways to be happy. I can't. I search and search but can't find anything.

I never realized how much Joe mattered to me. Once I let myself love him, I couldn't stop. I poured more of my heart and soul into him everyday.

Until it's all left with him. But he lost them. I am now an empty man. Empty of emotion, empty of meaning. Empty from the loss of Joe.

Every time he texts me it hurts more and more. He doesn't remember everything we've shared. It hurts so much.

In my heart and wrists. I should just end it. I have no reason to be happy. I highly doubt I'll ever be happy again.

But im such a fucking coward. My life has no worth, but im not brave enough to end it. I just cut and hope it goes away. It doesn't. Nothing does.

I guess I still have some shred of hope, and that is why im still alive. The small sliver of hope that I might make it out okay.

Or perhaps I just fear death. Maybe because it has been portrayed as such a terrible thing. But it is only so when you're not ready for it. When you are, you greet it willingly.

I guess I'm not ready. There must still be some part of my brain with a bit of sense. Then again, what do I know.

I know I'm so lame. I complain about how bad my life is, but I don't have the courage to end it. The thought is unsettling, yet I know it's the truth.

And the truth hurts.

-----A/N-----

Short af and really depressing. also took me over 9,000 years to update im sry ;-; pls still love me

FUCK CAN JASPAR JUST REUNITE PLS IM WAITING HERE.

Also idfc if there's typos i just needed to get this up ugh.

Tbh so excited for the next chapter y'all have no idea. It's gonna be much lighter, don't worry. (With a hint of underlying heaviness)

Should I tell you the title

Idk i feel like that might be giving it away hm

...

...

*contemplates*

It's called...

*drumroll please*

Chapter 24 - Mila Who?

U DONT GET TO KNOW ANYTHING ELSE MUAHAHA MY LIPS ARE SHUT

Also

R.I.P Kirby, not even kidding he was my favorite character 🙌🙌😭❤️❤️

QOTD: Current fave song?

AOTD: Miserable At Best by Mayday Parade

Love you❤️

-Rebecca xxo