Just Two Boys - Jaspar - boyxboy

Chapter 17 - Scars

-Caspar POV-

"Caspar!" I jump back into reality. I am shaky from the memory.

"S-s- sorry." I say to Joe. Once again, I curse my stutter. I only get it when I'm nervous.

"Caspar, you alright?" I don't want to say I am, because I'm not. And I don't want to say I'm not, because I don't want to be questioned. I start to fidget.

Because I was just thinking of what I was, I instinctively pull my sleeves over my wrists. A habit I developed in high school.

Joe looks at his knife and then at what I had just done. He puts two and two together.

"Oh, no" He whispers quietly. He sets down the knife and walks around the counter, over to me. All the while muttering

"No, no, no, no, no," A nervous look in his eye.

He comes to stand next to me, and reaches for my wrists. I pull away.

"Casp..." He pleads. I sigh and give in. If I did start this argument, I know I wouldn't win.

I pull up my sleeves, and extend my arms. I'm not showing it, but I'm really nervous. Only Theo knows I cut, but only that one time.

I realize how worried Joe probably is right now. I reassure him

"I haven't cut since high school. I was going through a difficult time, and I needed relief. I'm sorry, JoJo."

JoJo??? Good one, Caspar. Now is certainly not the time to be making up nicknames!

He doesn't think too much of it. His eyes are wandering over my many scars. I pull my arms away.

"It's nothing, Joe. Just a fucked up bit of my past." I chuckle slightly.

Joe is still staring at my wrists. Even though they're by my sides, even though they're under my sleeves. I would kill to know what he's thinking about right now.

Suddenly he grabs my face in my palms, and stares worryingly into my eyes.

"Don't you dare say you're sorry, you hear me? Depression fucks with your mind. It's not your fault."

No one has said that to me before. They all blame me, and give me the same boring speech. I smile a bit. Joe's not one to lecture.

"You're okay now, right Cas?" He says softer. He is staring with such emotion, so deeply into my eyes.

"I'll always be better than okay when you're here."

"Caspy, please don't self harm again it-" I cut him off by yanking his arms away from my face. I guess I was wrong about him not lecturing. I feel betrayed. I stare fiercely into his eyes.

"It's stupid and a terrible thing to do. I don't gain anything from it and it hurts the people around me, too. I know, Joe. I get it. I've had this lecture about 80 billion times, and I don't need it again. I'm alright Joe. Like I said, I haven't cut since high school. I won't do it again. I promise. Okay?"

"Okay." He whispers. I take his face in my hands.

"I love you Joe. And I know you want to care for me, and make sure I'm okay. And I love you for that. But sometimes, a guy's gotta have his space."

I grin, trying to lighten the mood. Joe still looks hurt. I sigh.

"C'mere." I lean down, and kiss him forcefully on the lips. He kisses back passionately.

"I love you, Joe. I love you, I love you, I love you." I smile at the words I uttered when I confessed to him.

"Now how about that pizza?" Joe chuckles and cuts the last slice into two.

We sit down on the couch, and watch TV in silence. Finally Joe speaks up.

"What did you call me before?" I feel my cheeks go red. And I though he didn't notice...

"JoJo..." I say, embarrassed. He smiles and says

"I like it." Huh. JoJo. I'll have to remember that.

For about 10 minutes after that, the TV and the clock are the only sounds in the room. Then Joe speaks again.

"Caspar..." He says delicately. "Do you know why... I was so upset? Over your scars?"

He has my attention now. I turn to look at him.

"Why?" He takes a shaky breath, and launches into story.

"Dan. Once I... And he was... And I just... I want you to be safe, Caspar. I have seen what it's like. I... I just... I want to make sure you know you're loved."

For half the story he was lost in flashbacks, but I understood from the first word.

Dan cuts. He told me once, in the middle of the night at a sleepover. He and I were the only two awake, and suddenly he just... said it.

To no one in particular. Not caring who heard. Maybe he thought that no one was awake, and he was more confessing to himself.

Dan had shared with me the fact that he says what he feels inside when he cuts, the thoughts that haunt his brain. Speaking a new thought with each cut.

Joe must've walked in on him cutting once. I pulled him into a tight embrace.

I felt my shoulder getting wet from his tears. And I realized I was doing the same to his shoulder.

"Don't worry, Joe. I promise I will never cut again. I promise."

-----A/N-----

I feel like these chapters are really short ugh. Tell me what you think.

QOTD: Favorite TV show?

AOTD: I pretty much only watch three, and I can't choose from them. Although from favorite to least favorite:

-House M.D.
-Family Guy
-American Dad

I also watch Downton Abbey but I think there's only one pr two episodes left an then I have to wait for the new seasons to come out NEXT YEAR. asdfghjkl

Also, can we just take a second to appreciate that I'm at 2k reads!?!?

WHAT!?!? This is crazy! Ily guys sfm omg

Thank you

I honestly never expected this to get more than MAYBE 100 reads. y'all be cray.

Love you❤️

-Rebecca xxo