Just Two Boys - Jaspar - boyxboy

Chapter 18 - Joe's Flashback

trigger warning !!!!

-Joe POV-

I'm so excited to go over to Dan and Phil's house today. Even though Phil is out of town, Dan and I will be filming a collab.

I have never filmed with them before, so I'm really excited, but also nervous. I really hope everything goes well. I don't want to mess everything up.

I arrive at their house a bit early. It was 11:42, and I was supposed to be there at noon. Well, nothing wrong with arriving early! In fact, it'd give us more time to interact and socialize.

I happily walk up to the door and knock. There is no answer. Maybe he's just in the bathroom. A couple minutes later, I knock again. No answer.

I rap my fists harshly against the hard cherrywood door. It is at this point I decode to open the door on my own terms.

"Dan?" I call out. I hear muffled talking coming from another room. I follow the sound and wind up at the bathroom door.

I curse myself for being so idiotic. I was almost 20 minutes early, he probably just got out of the shower!

Nevertheless, I continue to listen at the door. I soon realize what a mistake it is. I hear Dan's voice, shaking a bit.

"You're WORTHLESS." He says to himself. And I hear him whimper in pain.

"No one likes you-ou-ou." He stutterers on the last word, and his voice went higher. Was he...

I wasn't going to take any chances. I knock on the door. I hear a groan from inside, and clattering of... I don't stop to let myself think.

I open the door and see dan frantically trying to put a knife away in a small box. He sleeves are at his elbows.

"Dan...?" I whisper. He takes a deep breath.

"Hey... Joe. Uh, look," He says, while tugging his sleeves down.

"I didn't think you'd be here 'till later."

I start to back away. I've never seen this side of Dan before. I don't like it. Well, no one likes seeing other people cut.

But I needed to assure him it was ok. It must be just as awkward for him as it is for me.

"I-It's my fault. I should've come at the right time." Meanwhile, a million thoughts are going through my head.

'Dan cuts?' Was the main one. I can't believe this. This can't be happening.

"I think I should go." Knowing myself, I would probably blurt out something at the exact wrong time.

I'd probably suddenly ask him

"Why do you cut, Dan?" I don't know why he feels this way. I don't want him to feel worse. I hear

"Joe, wait!" But I am already at the door. I hesitate to open it, first saying

"I'm sorry, Dan." And then I rush out.

I lean into Caspar's hug, not really feeling him. I am still too shaken up from the memory.

I hear Caspar whisper something

"Don't worry, Joe. I promise I will never cut again. I promise."

I hope he will keep that promise. I want him to be happy. I want him to know that he's loved.

It hurts me that he cut. I don't know why he did, and personally, I don't care. I'm just glad that he doesn't feel this way anymore.

At least, I hope he doesn't.

He starts to talk as we pull away. He looks me dead in the eye.

"Joe, I would never want to hurt you. You know that. You- you're too important to me. I hate seeing you this unhappy."

I sniffle a little and take in his words. He cares about me so much. And I feel the same way.

"Caspar..." I barely know what to say.

"Thank you." Lame response, but truly heartfelt.

-

That night, I have a dream. I am being forces to throw knives at Caspar. There is a gun to my head.

I'm not good at aiming.

I throw one. It goes through his wrist, of all places. He screams in agony. I can't do this.

I can't hurt Caspar. I set the knives down and shut my eyes. I hear the gun go off.

I open my eyes. I am back in my room. Shaking slightly. My face is wet. With tears, sweat, or both. I take a few calming breaths.

The scream in my dream, it felt so... so real. It scares me so much. I need to make sure Caspar is ok. I need to know he's not injured.

I quickly get out of bed and run to his room. I hesitate before knocking. It's the middle of the night. Why am I knocking?

I sigh and open his door. I walk over to his bed and crouch beside it. I shake his arm lightly, just as he did to mine the day he came out.

"Casp..." I whisper. I hear him talk in his sleep. It's so cute.

"Joe..." He mumbles. I decide to play along.

"Yeah, Casp?" I respond. He smiles.

"Where were you?" I don't want to contradict what might've already happened in his dream, so I just go with

"Oh, here and there."

He tilts his head. Did I say the wrong thing? Am I messing up his dream? Suddenly, I have an idea.

I grab Caspar's vlogging camera from his bedside table. I am going to mess with him.

"But you said you only went to the grocery store?" I film him saying. I stifle a laugh and respond with

"I lied." I can see a glimmer of sweat on Caspar's forehead.

"Where..." I don't give him time to respond. I have thought of the perfect place.

"Gaby's." He doesn't say anything for a while. I wonder what he's doing in dreamland.

"What the fuck were you doing there!?" I am shocked by his fierce tone. I decide to wake him.

"Caspar! Caspar wake up. You're dreaming." I manage to get out through all my giggles.

He opens his eyes to look at me. He sighs when he sees the camera.

"Was I talking in my sleep?"

"Yep."

"Goddamn you." He laughs and pulls me in for a kiss. I shut the camera off. The viewers don't need to see this.

-----A/N-----

QOTD: What state/country do you live in?

(In the least stalker-y way possible)

AOTD: Massachusetts

Love you❤️

-Rebecca xxo