FIRE | H.S.

Chapter 14

When I wake up in the morning, I check my phone to see if there are any calls or texts from Evan. Nothing. The only notifications on my phone are from Target letting me know there's a 50% off on video games, and from my daily horoscope.

   Me: Evan, are you okay?

I send him a quick text, hoping to get an answer sometime in the next couple of hours. I just hope he got home safe.

I get out of bed and head straight to the shower. I feel gross. I don't even know why, but after leaving the club last night I felt like I was covered in a thick layer of filth. I'm not a high maintenance type of person, at least I don't think I am. But being at the club brought back memories and feelings I've been trying so hard to leave behind. My past is something I've been trying to escape ever since I decided I wanted something better for myself. But there are times where I feel like I'm in a dark tunnel and I can see the light at the end, but the demons from my past are pulling me back, digging their claws deep into my skin to keep me from reaching the end. They don't want me to go, they want to swallow me whole. They want me to keep falling into that bottomless pit.

After I'm out of the shower and dressed, I check my phone again. Nothing. With a sigh, I take the bedding off my bed and take it downstairs, pushing it inside the washing machine, and turning it on after adding the detergent and softener. I spend the morning cleaning my house, cleaning as much as I can. Moving furniture I never really move when I usually clean, moving the sofas, the t.v. stand, the stove, the fridge. Usually, when I'm feeling uneasy or anxious I start baking. I guess today I'm cleaning the fuck out of my house. Every time I finish cleaning something, I check my phone again, and when I see there's nothing from Evan, I send another text. I've sent about ten messages in the past two hours. Am I being clingy?

Once I'm done cleaning, I light the sage Charles gave me the night I had dinner with him and Aurora. I had told them about my nightmares and that night he gave me sage and told me to light it and walk around my house. He also said it would cleanse my home and remove all the negative energy surrounding me. I had never been much of a believer in these things, but being friends with Charles for years, has made me believe in this. Plus, at this point, I'll try anything to get rid of bad vibes in my house. Maybe I'll stop having nightmares as Charles said.

I go back to the laundry room and take out the comforter and sheets from the washer and shove them in the dryer. My stomach growls. I forgot to eat breakfast. I make myself an iced coffee and some scrambled eggs with ham, and some toast. I need to go get groceries. And I need to write the checks for the suppliers.

It's two in the afternoon and Evan hasn't texted me back. I've tried calling him twice but I'm sent straight to voice mail and I've sent five more texts. I feel like I'm annoying him, like this isn't normal girlfriend behavior. I'm just worried. I don't know how much he had to drink after I left. I don't know if he drove. I don't know if someone gave him a ride home and if that person was sober. But I doubt anyone was sober last night.

I should've stayed with him. I should've made sure he got home safe. I should've insisted he left with me. What if something happened to him? What if he got in a fight and is lying in an alley beat up and unconscious? What if he got behind the wheel and got into a car accident? What if he was walking to his car and crossed the street at the wrong time?

   Oh, god.

I rub my face, trying to stop my brain from making up tragic scenarios. "Target," I say to myself. "I need to go to Target and get groceries." I grab my keys and my purse and make my way to the one place where I can spend hours in and come out with unnecessary stuff I didn't even need to buy.