i know, you know, we know

Chapter 3

Chaeyoung has always known.

Despite being able to talk about anything under the sun, Lisa's feelings for Jennie was the one thing they left behind in every conversation. Chaeyoung only knows because it was the only thing that could explain most of what Lisa does. The blonde would come home, obviously tired from her schedule for the day, and she would still keep herself awake up until Jennie walks through the front door. Sometimes, Lisa would forget to buy food for herself but would never fail to bring home Jennie's ice cream and gummy bears. Lisa could be asleep or in the middle of a conversation or enjoying a movie but the moment thunder disrupts the peace, she would get up and be in Jennie's room before any of them could blink.

In a way, Chaeyoung was glad that they didn't talk about it. She had grown up with the ideals of a religion deeply ingrained in her brain, and it took a while for her to understand why Lisa's quiet but encompassing love for Jennie scared her. There was a time when she would spend every Sunday in church, manipulating her schedule to make sure that she'd be kneeling on a pew and praying for forgiveness for something she couldn't choose. There was a time when she wanted to be angry and disgusted and hateful, but above everything that her childhood taught her, it was always that love is patient and kind. And when she comes home after every Sunday to Lisa's warm hugs and a paper bag full of snacks, Chaeyoung couldn't find it in herself to be angry and disgusted and hateful. Not with Lisa, and slowly, gradually, not even with herself.

At first, she didn't think to question why Lisa's love scared her. She had been content to think that it was because of what religion taught her, what her childhood ingrained in her. But then, Kim Jisoo came into her life, and suddenly, everything that Chaeyoung has ever known didn't seem so true anymore.

How could she bear to hate Lisa when Chaeyoung now knows that there was no dictating who her heart should fall for? How could she even think of being disgusted when Chaeyoung only feels like everything's going to be okay when she's in Jisoo's arms? How could she feel hate when all that Chaeyoung feels when she's with Jisoo is fondness and attraction and everything else that makes her feel like she could write thousands of songs dedicated to her?

So yes, Chaeyoung was glad that she and Lisa left the topic alone because it gave her time to answer her own questions. She still doesn't know when Jisoo became more than a friend to her, but at the very least, she was done finding things that were wrong with how she feels because they were pretty much non-existent.

But now, she was ready, and she could sense that Lisa seemed to be in a better place to have the conversation they've been putting off for years.

After the Jennie and Kai debacle that Chaeyoung honestly wanted to forget, something in Lisa must have shifted. In the span of months, Chaeyoung watched as the blonde seemed to grow in more ways than one. Lisa stopped fumbling with her heart the way she did when she was torn between being in love with Jennie and just moving on because it was too painful. Instead, the blonde seemed to have accepted that loving Jennie was always how she'd be.

Chaeyoung saw her acceptance in the little things. Lisa didn't seem to need to be with Jennie all the time, but she always gave the other girl her full attention when they were together. Lisa stopped doing things with the expectation that Jennie would notice her; she simply did them because the blonde loved Jennie, and that was that. Lisa took better care of herself, and Chaeyoung didn't think it was possible but she also took better care of Jennie in a way that made her think that there was no one in the world who could love her the way Lisa does.

Instead of breaking, having her heart crushed only seemed to shape Lisa into a better, stronger, and braver person. And Chaeyoung watched as Lisa's love became something unconscious, something fundamental, and something effortless for the blonde. She envied it, and it was that realization that finally pushed her to address the topic.