All I Have

Chapter 18 ~ There Definitely Comes a Time When the Punishment Exceeds the Crime

It's late by the time that Emilio and I make it back to the palace. I stick my head around dad's office door and find him half asleep on top of a pile of folders. I have a quick favour to ask him and after I've explained, he tells me he'll see what he can do and drops a kiss on my head, telling me he'll try tomorrow.

I ask after mum, but he tells me she's returned to her hotel for the night, and so Emilio and I say our goodnights and return to our bedrooms without many other words. I know he's worried that I'm still angry with him, but I don't think I am. There's so much happening in my head that I couldn't tell him what I'm thinking even if I tried.

Sleep doesn't come to me as easily as I hoped it would considering the exhausting past few days, and I lay awake at midnight, watching the seconds tick over until I turn eighteen. I keep my head propped onto my arm and watch the night as it stays the same. I'm wearing Christopher's jersey, and it makes me feel so small even though I'm not anymore.

It's a bittersweet birthday. I'm an adult now which means there's a hundred things that have to change; I won't need Emilio as a guardian anymore, I'll have to start royal duties, and most importantly, I'm on a clock now. I watch, anxiously as the minutes pass too quickly.

I have two years, 364 days, 23 hours and 54 minutes until I have to be engaged.

All of a sudden, two years seems a lot smaller than three, and I can't help but feel that the moments I'm losing count too much to let them pass. I stand up, circling the bed, wondering if I can find a way to make time stop a second. It feels like the sun is coming up, and down, and back up again. I'm losing time as I stand in my bedroom.

Without pausing to consider the noise it'll make, I grab the clock from beside my bed and hurl it at the wall opposite me. It shatters with a mixture of a smash and a metallic ringing and the handles and cogs fly in various directions. There's a small mark left on the wall that I'm sure I'll get in trouble for, but for now I just appreciate the clock hands that lay still on the ground.

All of a sudden, my bedroom door flies open, and a half asleep Asher comes running in. He's only dressed from the waist down and his hair sticks up at angles I didn't even know were possible. He's still in the middle of pushing his glasses up his nose and steadying himself at the sudden improvement in his vision.

'What happened?' He asks, breathing heavily.

'What?' I say, a little shocked at my own actions, 'Nothing, I dropped my clock.'

'Dropped?' He says, eyebrows raised.

I nod, even though we both know I'm hiding something. He looks down at the pieces on the floor, but turns around and begins to leave anyway. He glances back over his shoulder and for a minute, I can see a glint of his eyes. I know that it's nighttime, but they're dark brown, like they used to be at Thorne when they were always so full of anger.

My brain picks up on the atmosphere before it can determine the cause. He's mad at me.

'Are you okay?' I ask, and he stops just before he pulls at the door handle.

'I'm fine.' He replies without turning back.

'Just tell me.' I say, and my sentence causes his back to tighten as he takes a deep breath in. He turns around, glaring at me in a way that he hasn't done in a while. I realise how much I don't like it, and how much I never did.

'Why, because you always tell me everything?' He says, and I exhale as I realise what he means, and quite how easily I've messed things up again, 'Where were you today? And don't tell me you went for a walk with Emilio because I saw him long after you'd disappeared.'