All I Have

Chapter 21~ Your Surgical Inability isn't the Only Problem, But it is a Big One

When I wake up in the middle of the night, my back has become so stiff that it takes me almost ten minutes to wiggle my body back into being able to function. I roll over as best as I can, to find Klaus spread across the other side. He's got his head in the pillow, shuffling every few minutes through his dream.

After Klaus dropped his bomb last night, Asher and Augustus left to go find Quigley, who had stormed out somewhere in between Klaus and I's wedding, and our third child, whom he wants to name after his grandmother. With no one left to supervise him, and my body too weak to push him down the stairs, he took up a place beside me in bed, claiming it might as well happen sooner rather than later.

I complained for a long time, but true to his personality, he cared so little, that he was asleep before I managed to make a dint. He's not a noisy sleeper, and he doesn't toss and turn much, but for some reason, I'm finding it hard to keep myself asleep, just knowing he's there. I try not to think about Asher letting go of my hand, but the feeling keeps playing over in my head.

I decide there's no point lying in the dark anymore, and I've had too many years of insomnia to try and kid myself that anything's going to change. It's only four in the morning, way too early for anyone else to be awake, but I figure between my nap yesterday afternoon and some light sleep in the early hours, this is as best as I'm going to do.

I peel the covers away from me, unusually hot, given I slept in Klaus' jumper, because I couldn't bear the idea of laying in just a cropped top beside him. There's some pain when I sit up, so I swallow some more painkillers that Klaus brought with him, and wait a few more moments for them to kick in.

When I get to my feet, I sway a little with the new sensation. I wonder for a moment if my balance is going to need some getting-used-to, since it's been almost ten years since the shrapnel was first in my back. I never knew how heavy they were, and I smile as I admit that funnily enough, I might miss those little diamond friends fused to my spine.

I think about them for a second, remembering how Asher said Emilio had saved them for me to see. I wonder if, in all the chaos and confusion, they'll have thrown them away at the hospital. I know it's early, and it's probably due to lack of sleep, but I touch my back gently over the bandage, and feel a little bit of nostalgia for not having something there anymore.

I decide, halfway through a strange feeling of missing some bomb fragments in my skin that should never have been there, that at least it'll make airport security so much easier now, and it puts the feeling back to bed.

I don't follow it however, walking quietly over to the door. I could slam it, wake up Klaus and be a dick, but it'd probably wake everyone else up too, and I know the Greenewood triplets when they're sleepy, and it's not something I'd choose to optionally encounter. I stand in the hall for a minute, debating where to go. I'm assuming someone's been left saddled with sleeping on the couch, so I can't sit there, but it's close to the kitchen, and I would desperately like a drink, so I take the risk.

I tip toe my way over the banister, holding on carefully so I don't trip and fall down, mainly because I don't want to wake everyone, but also I don't want to have to risk letting Klaus back near me with a needle.

I look over into the living room and see Asher, tucked under a blanket. He's curled up on the sofa, and he must have accidentally fallen asleep because he's midway through watching something on TV. He's almost at the end of a movie on an old channel, and I can tell he didn't mean to fall asleep, because his glasses are still perched on his nose. Despite that, he looks really comfortable.

I stand for a minute, not really knowing what to do with myself. I didn't come downstairs hoping to join him, but when I look over, the disappointment of knowing that I can't makes it feel a lot like I did. I bite my lip and notice an uneasy pain. I look at him, sleeping peacefully and I want to go down and be with him.