York's Hope.

Chapter Thirty Eight - Bonding

Lizzie, Cecily and Maggie joined me as I was being fitted for my coronation gown. My family looked at the many fine cloths that we had.

"I don't think I should like to be Queen. The clothes are all to ugly." Cecily commented causing me to roll my eyes "I shall be much happier as wife to John Wells. It is a love match anyway."

"I don't think I should like to be John Wells, what you come out with would eventually give me selective hearing." I retorted making Lizzie laugh. Maggie comes over with some wine. "Deliver this to my mother in Bermondsey Abbey. Ned will help you and she will tell us how to help my cousin." I tell her

"But, Hope. Shouldn't we help Teddy ourselves? If we were caught it would be worse for him." she replied

"I have tried and failed, his mother still holds power over him and she is using his fear against him. I feel my mother is the only one who can help." she nodded taking the note and stepped away as my dressmakers returned

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Henry had asked to see. I made my the short walk to his chambers as I still did not have the Queen's rooms. The doors opened and I walked in and curtsied.

"You asked for me?" he was sat at his desk writing, Henry stopped and turned to me after I spoke

"Yes."

"I am not yet recovered from my child bed." I went to take my leave not wanting to have any conversation with him right now.

"I...." he he began, I closed my eyes and pursed my lips but turned back around "You are thankful? For the coronation? That I shall take you as my Queen."

"Henry, I am your wife and mother to your son. I am Queen, coronation or not." I retorted "I would be thankful if you freed my cousin from the Tower and let my mother be with me." I folded my arms and scowled.

"I have said why I cannot."

"Then you cannot ask me to be thankful. I have watched two Kings live in fear of maybes. My father with Mad King Henry, his son Edward and you. Uncle Richard with my poor brothers and again you. Now you with Teddy, who is still a child." I replied

"Henry, what do you see for me in my role as Queen?" I wonder

"What?"

"What shall I do for you?" he was silent for a moment then he scoffed

"It is a test. You mean to prove than you know more than I do on how to rule." he retorted and I rolled my eyes.

"First off. I don't need to prove it, I already do. Second it was just a question." I sass back at him, I was raised to be Queen, him not so much as a King.

"It is a jibe. You compare my efforts to your fathers or the old York King, your lover." he exhales "Everywhere I look around me, nobles conspire against me. Servants slip each other notes. They smile to my face and then behind me draw their knives." I sigh before speaking.

"That is most likely the definition to be King. My father had the same thing as did Richard, from you and Lancaster. Those who killed my brothers in the Tower. Arthur will have it too one day." I state knowing the harsh truths of being a royal. More importantly being something to a King. Daughter, Niece, now a wife and mother.

"Well, it is more than I can bear each day. Waiting, wondering if I'll live till supper. Wondering if our son will live." 

"Why slaughter Richard if you do not wish to be King?"

"Because I have been trained to do it all my life." He retorted "There was no other life for me. No other choice, my life had been decided from the moment I was born. You must have heard my mother speak of it. She felt I had a destiny from the moment she had me. I was to be King for her because she dreamed of power. Perhaps you cannot understand being told your whole life, what you are, with never any chance to think about it for yourself. I sometimes wonder what I would have been, what I would have chosen had my life been ordinary." It was in that moment, I knew why we had been brought together, we were more alike than I first thought.

"A seamstress." I stated walking over to stand by him. He looked up "If I had a choice I would have wanted to be a seamstress." I admitted

"Ever since I was a little girl, I would be taken away from my sisters for a hour or two at first. My father would take me into his office and I would sit there either watching him work or playing with my dolls. As I grew he taught me official business, he would show me documents and tell me how he would deal with the matter." I laughed slightly "There was this one time, he left me to sort out a dispute between my Uncle Richard and my Uncle George. George was furious that he left a little girl in charge. I grabbed and apple and threw it at his head, for being rude.

I never understood why though, why out of all my siblings did he teach me. The chance of me ruling seemed slim despite me being the eldest. When he died I found out the reason, but as it also turns out the moment he died I was then a puppet for my own mothers ambititon, she crave the throne for me where as my father didn't yet prepared it for me anyway. In truth I would have settled for a man..."

"A man you loved." he finished and sighed  "I don't ask you love me in the way you loved him. But I had hoped you may have come to have a tenderness. At least. A kindness even."

"I didn't love him in the way you think, the way everyone thinks. I did what I did to protect myself and my family. I doubt that would be enough for you. Don't you want someone who yearns to be with you, who would ride across the battlefield just to hear your voice?"

"I...do not know. I've never had it." he admitted

"What have they done to us? We are their creatures."

"At least your sisters will be happy. John Wells and Lord Alexander are good men." he stated

"What can we do Henry? What can we do?" I question feeling helpless.

"I know you cannot love me. I know that my mother and I have hurt you that it is beyond what you can give. I only ask that you do not plot against my life. At least spare me that humiliation." i looked down in shame. "But you cannot even promise me that." he shakes his head and leaves my company. I head back to my chambers and ask for Lizzie to come to me. I sit down by my fire, it is not long before she enters and curtsies to me.

"You called for me, sister." She sat down next to me.

"Lizzie, do you remember the way Father used to look at mother?" I ask her, she smiles softly

"I do, I remember we used to say, that we wish that one day we would have someone who looks at us the same."

"Since being brought here, we have tried to change our circumstances but what if this was meant to happen and all we're doing is fighting it?"

"What do you mean, Hope?"

"I had a dream before I gave birth to Arthur. Father was there, he talked to me and ultimately said that I shouldn't be trying to help...." I trained off, she seemed to understand "That I am right where I'm supposed to be. Then when I was with Henry not long ago, we connected over something and something clicked."

"You bonded." she smiled softly

"Maybe we did, but then we divided again and I don't know how to feel about that. I know what I should feel but I don't."