if only

I stood in silence. My baby gone. All hope gone. I had about a million questions. Will Spencer blame me for our child's death? Who or What hacked the plane? Will i be able to have another child? What happens to the team now? I shook my head. I'm worrying too much. "Spence I need you to help me out of bed i'm no help from a hospital bed." i demanded. "y/n no. You just had a miscarriage you don't need to be working right now, you need to be resting." he insisted. Truthfully though i was not going to take no for an answer.

"Fine then if you don't want to help i'll get my self out of bed." i ripped my IV out and jumped out of bed and tried to start putting clothes on. Suddenly though i burst into tears into Reid's arms.

I was hurting. I just lost my baby. "I'm sorry spence" my voice cracked.

"for what love?" he asked while holding me. I looked him into his eyes. "Because I lost our baby." He pulled me in tight. "Baby that was not your fault. you hear me?"

A day went by and i was discharged. Garcia had found out that the plane was being controlled by a remote meaning the unsub would have had to of been close to the plane.

we got back to home and started working on the case from there. Mostly because this was an attack on the BAU itself. Spencer insisted that i go back home since i was still sore, but i needed to be here with my family.

"who have we pissed off?" asked Garcia. She was worried, like always, but we love her for it. "well baby girl how many people have put in jail this year?" asked derek. Spencer looked over. "about 200 only about 8 have gotten out of prison." "okay so then we need to be looking at those people and calling them in here. Garcia, how many of those have tech skills?" i asked. "my furry friend that would be 4 of them." she responded. "okay call them in."

A few hours went by and the men were finally here. As i started walking to the questioning room my stomach started cramping almost dropping me to the floor. "omg y/n. are you okay?" said emily while catching me. "thank you emily. im fine the dr said this may happen." i said. I gave her a soft smile and headed to the questioning room to the first man. Joe smith.

"hey joe. can you recall for where you were last night around midnight?" hotch asked. Smith looked around the room to Hotch and me. "Well i was at home watching an animal show but i wish i was at home in bed with her." he said while pointing at me. Hotch slammed on the table. "so no one can back up your where abouts?" i asked. Joe looked at me. "no sweet heart." When he said that me and Hotch walked out not a word. Was he jealous of what Smith said? me and him haven't done anything since the first time i worked here.

Reid and Emily got confirmation that Joe is the only that couldn't have some back up his where abouts, and he would have had the most reason to do this to us. So we got a warrant and headed to search his house.

In the car Spencer had one hand on the wheel and the other on my thigh. Slowly getting closer and closer and closer. I jerked my head over to him because Hotch was in the car. however he wasn't paying attention. Spencie just kept going up and down on me over my jeans. I kept giving him looks.

"So y/n how are you feeling?" asked Hotch. Spencer stopped. "I'm feeling so much better physically, emotionally no." Reid grabbed my hand tight.

We got to Joes house and as soon as we went inside we found proof that it was him. remote controls everywhere. Then the phone call came through. He has escaped the holding cell.

We got the evidence we needed and when we got out side that's when it happened. I was shot. I couldn't feel anything only hear. I could hear Spencer's screams. I heard gun shots. I heard the ambulance. and then i felt it. Spencer's touch on my arm. I could feel tear drop going down my face. It wasn't mine though. It was Spencer's.

I heard Hotch, Emily, JJ, Morgan, and Rosie yelling for me. "please y/n stay with me you just got better this can't be happening baby please." spencer said. i don't want to die. If only i didnt walk out that door. if only i didn't join this team. shit shit shit.

I felt them put me on gurney and carry me to the ambulance. Reid never let go of my hand. He held tight. I could feel everything put the bullet wound. where was it? am i going to die today? The world felt like it was spinning extremely fast. I'm tired. Will i die if i take a nap right now?

I started slowly closing my eyes. They felt heavy. "no no no don't give up." said spencer. i wish i could tell him i love him. i couldn't speak though. I couldn't do it anymore. i closer my eyes and drifted to sleep.