if only

chapter 8 letting go

i was going in and out of being awake. i had lost a lot of blood. "come on y/n you gotta stay with me okay?" Derek was holding my hand. i tried to keep my eyes open and look at him but i just couldn't do it.

Whenever they got me to the hospital i was stable. They had to keep me for a couple days tho for suicide watch.

"y/n? hey baby your awake." i knew it was derek who said that because he's always calling us baby or baby girl. I opened my eyes more to see the rest of the team. Including Spencer.

"no no no get him out of here please." i was crying i didn't want him to know he's the reason i did this. Reid walked out the door with his head down.

i saw morgan walk outside with him. "what the hell did you do man?" he questioned him. Spencer was crying now. He had felt so bad. None of this was supposed to happen. "Me and y/n have been seeing each other. And whenever i took her out to eat last night my phone had been blowing up. when we got back to her apartment she took my phone and looked. She saw the texts from me and maeve." Reid tried explaining it the best he could. Morgan just looked at him with disappointment in his eyes.

Morgan had already came back into the room and stood by myside again. "i-i'm not fired am i?" i asked with my voice still cracking from being hurt. "no no no y/n. you won't be fired for this. we are going to get you the help you need." Hotch explained. Hotch was sweet, but it just reminds me of how i'm only good sex. I mean hell i got fucked by Hotch just the other day.

Maybe i should leave the team for a while? Maybe i should have went deeper and just ended all of this. I need to let this go. I can't tho. "hey guys? can i talk to Hotch alone please?" They all left the room besides Aaron.

"what do you need? do you need water?" he asked. He was clearly worried. "no i just need to talk to you. The thing that happened in your office the other can we please pretend it never happened. I feel like people are only using me for sex and i-" he cut me off. "if you want to forget it that's okay. and i would never use you for just sex by the way. We just had a little fun that's all." i was so glad he understood.

He waved the rest of the team in. They all sat down just looking at me. Garcia got up and came and sat by me. "i'm so happy your okay. I get worried sick when one of my babies get hurt. Your going to be okay tho. okay? i will stand right by your side." Garcia was the sweetest person i had ever met.

It was night time and Emily, jj, and garcia stayed at the hospital with me. 

The next morning when i woke up i saw him again. He was trying to get in but emily wouldn't let him by.

"please emily i need to talk to her" he begged and begged.

cliffhanger again😝 but thank you sm for 120 reads!!!