Paris Wills is a dreamer. His father always said he got it from his mom, an artist who was unlike any other. Her virtue was painting, and Paris' is poetry. No matter where he is, Paris finds inspiration for his poems.
In the summer after his sophom...
After numerous card games with Tiff and a lackluster lunch, Sabina, André, and I take a walk outside. A garden of radiant flowers adorns the back of Neo, tenderly cared for by the residents. Wooden benches overlook the tranquil ocean waves, the view partially obstructed by tall fences to keep us from escaping. Not that I'd try to leave, but others might. Besides, the fence allows us to be outside with minor supervision. Other than the nurse occasionally circling the perimeter, it feels like we're on our own, which is a comforting change of pace to the hovering nurses inside.
Not to mention, I haven't been outside in days. It's such a relief to feel the cool sea breeze tickle my nose and flow through my lungs. Sabina twirls along the cobblestone path, her skirt flowing gracefully in the wind. She could be a fairy, blessing nature with her extraordinary generosity and enchanting beauty. Even André opens up in the sunlight, his dark tresses taking on an auburn hue and his crystal blue eyes gleaming with a hint of happiness.
I sit on the end of one of the wooden benches, beckoning Sabina and André to do the same. André sits on the opposite side and Sabina lays between us, her legs stretching out on André and her head planted in my lap. We stay silent for a moment, tranquil in the midst of our individual struggles.
"You and Tiff seem close," I direct at Sabina, breaking the silence. Her eyes are closed, but she's wide awake. André stays silent, clearly the quiet listener.
"Yeah. I understand what it's like to feel helpless at such a young age."
"Were you also in foster care?"
"No."
André raises his eyebrows, intrigued by Sabina's reply.
"In preschool, I wore Princess dresses. I used the girl's bathroom. I cried whenever the barber cut my hair. I never thought that any of those things made me different. I was just me. Yet my parents grew nervous, and my dad told me boys weren't allowed to wear dresses or use the girl's bathroom or cry when they were sad. From then on, I took much more caution. I censored myself, avoiding clothes and hobbies that would worry my parents. It wasn't until I turned twelve that I came to terms with my identity. I hoped that, with time, my parents could accept my identity too. Instead, they kicked me out."
I wipe Sabina's tears from her eyes and tell her to pause. She does, taking in a breath of the crisp ocean air before breaking into another sob. Sitting up from the bench, Sabina sinks into my arms and André gently rests his chest against her back. In the midst of our embrace, André and I carry the weight of Sabina's trauma, balancing the scale to keep her from crushing under the heaviness of it all. It's almost unreal, comforting someone other than Gray. Someone I consider a friend. I haven't comforted a friend in a very long time.
***
Once Sabina's tears run dry, we switch the topic to other things. André tries to lighten the mood by asking us to consider the greatest moment of our lives.
"Do you wanna start us off?" I ask André, an eager grin coming over his face.
"I thought you'd never ask!" André replies, diving into his story.
"Last year, during the playoffs, my school faced against one of the toughest schools in the state. They were poised to win, which would keep us from advancing. My teammates and I refused to let that happen. We gave it our all and, by the fourth quarter, our two schools were tied. With only minutes left, our hearts were racing. Then, the ball came soaring toward me. Before I knew it, I was scoring the winning touchdown. The clock ran out and I was carried off the field by my rejoicing teammates. Through the night, we celebrated at the local diner, scarfing down greasy burgers and bottomless fries. Toward the end of our meal, coach raised his glass high and said, 'Cheers! To André!' That feeling that I meant something to people was the best feeling in the whole world."
André beams, biting back the urge to cry while Sabina and I clap, giving him a round of applause. I hope that, someday, after André leaves this place, he feels that appreciation again.
"I'll go next!" Sabina exclaims, evoking a smile from André and me.
"When my uncle found out that my parents kicked me out, he was furious. He spent hours wandering the streets until he found me shivering under a bridge. I was terrified my uncle would react the same way my parents did, but I also didn't want to spend another moment alone on the streets. So, I went back to his apartment, took a hot shower, and told my uncle everything that happened. Once I was finished, he asked if I wanted to live with him. Of course, I said yes."
"My parents didn't care. They wanted nothing to do with me. But they told my uncle he was making a huge mistake. Yet my uncle didn't care. He stormed into their house and collected all my things. They tried to stop him, until my uncle threatened to tell the police about their negligence. That shut them the fuck up."
"Back at my uncle's apartment, as we sorted through my things, my uncle asked me what my name was. I was confused, at first. He knew my birth name. Except, that wasn't what he was referring to. He wanted me to pick a new name. One that was completely, unapologetically me. After much consideration, I chose Sabina. It resembled everything I am. Beautiful. Cheerful. Kind. Powerful. My uncle told me that was the perfect name, kissed my forehead, and took me shopping for a whole new wardrobe. From that moment on, my uncle did everything in his power to help me transition. That day my uncle found me, I wasn't alone anymore. I finally felt seen, and that's the greatest gift anyone has ever given me."
Sabina holds her head up high and I admire the radiant, resilient woman before me. There truly is no better name for her than Sabina.
"What about you Paris? What's the greatest moment of your life?"
I take a moment to consider everything that's happened to me these past few months. Meeting Gray. Becoming friends. Falling in love. Going on dates. Taking long drives. Losing my virginity. Yet none of it compares to the one thing that keeps me hoping for a better future.
"Coming to Neo. It was the best decision I ever made. I miss Gray every second I'm here, but I'm here for him. I'm here for my aunt Nessie. I'm even here for my deadbeat father. Most of all, I'm here for me."
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