Paris Wills is a dreamer. His father always said he got it from his mom, an artist who was unlike any other. Her virtue was painting, and Paris' is poetry. No matter where he is, Paris finds inspiration for his poems.
In the summer after his sophom...
Nessie and I are sitting in the kitchen, our stomachs full as we await Gray's arrival. We shared a grilled cheese sandwich, Nessie's signature dish. Cheese melty but not sticky. Bread crisp but not burnt. A perfect combination. When I was younger and she'd fly in from Portland, the first thing she'd do was make a grilled cheese for us to share.
"Airplane food sucks."
I'd nod and bite into the gooey goodness, the toasted sourdough making a satisfying crunch with every bite.
Those were simpler times, when the only thing on my mind was all the things Nessie and I'd do and how many grilled cheeses we could stuff our faces with before she returned home.
I long for things to be simpler again.
***
Once Gray pulls into the driveway, he loads my duffel bag into the truck bed and unlocks the doors for us to pile inside. Nessie slips into the back seat, letting me sit on the bench seat with my boyfriend. As we leave the cul-de-sac, Gray laces his right hand in my left hand, keeping his other hand on the steering wheel. It's the most physical contact we've shared since our brief kiss at the hospital. Gray squeezes my hand, warming me up and calming me down. He feels the tension in my fingers, the building hesitance as we draw closer to our destination. I didn't even spend one full day out of the hospital. Nessie and I quickly packed my clothes and toiletries into a duffel bag, scarfed down our grilled cheese, and hopped into Gray's truck. It's probably for the best. If I had time to relax, settle back in, chat with Nessie, and spend an evening with Gray, I'd probably never want to leave.
Sometimes the best decisions are the hardest ones. That's what I have to keep reminding myself every time the GPS alerts us that we're one mile closer to Neo. Every time Gray looks over at me with his caring green eyes, a reminder that he's always watching out for me. Every time Nessie's soft voice sings along to the radio and I recall that she'll be living in that house all alone. Every time I wish there was an easier way to escape the darkness.
Shortly after leaving Santa Barbara city limits, we arrive at a lovely modern two-story facility overlooking the ocean. The white walls are painted with an ocean mural of timid cyan waves populated by dolphins jumping into the air. Quietly, the three of us exit Gray's truck and make our way to the entrance, Gray still clutching my left hand tightly, carrying my duffel bag in his left hand.
The entrance opens to a spacious lobby with glistening, tiled floors and sizable windows pouring in plenty of natural light. Visitors sit on white upholstered couches awaiting to visit their loved ones. A cheery young nurse stands at the check-in desk, wearing scrubs patterned with multi-colored starfish. The adorable outfit helps ease the nervousness coursing through my veins.
"Hello. Are you checking-in?" The nurse asks with a kind, chipper disposition. I nod, approaching the counter. Nessie joins me and Gray stands back, allowing us to handle the paperwork.
"Alright, Paris, are you ready?"
My faces goes pale, suddenly aware that it's time for me to say goodbye. Noticing my hesitance, the nurse adds with a reassuring smile, "I'll give you a few minutes."
"Don't worry, babe, I'll come visit you as much as I can."
My cheeks blush a vibrant fuchsia, enamored by Gray's assurance. Ever since I met him, Gray's always been able to calm me down.
"Promise?" I tease, inching closer to him.
"Promise." Gray replies, and I crash into his sturdy frame without warning. He wraps his soft arms around my body and brings me close, gently resting his chin on my head. His body is warmer than a melting marshmallow, and I want to stick close to him forever.
Gray loosens his hands from my back and reaches down, planting a fluttering kiss on my cheek, his soft bubblegum lips leaving their lasting impression on my skin. My fingers grace my face, slowly outlining where he kissed me.
After we pull apart, I turn to Nessie, who captures me in her grasp. I run my hands up and down her back, towering over her by a few inches. She quickly lets go, resisting the urge to cry, and reaches into her purse. Before I can ask her what she's doing, Nessie pulls out a pastel pink hardbound journal and hands it to me.
"For when inspiration strikes."
Now I'm resisting the urge to cry, my lips trembling as I cling the journal close to my torso. Gray and Nessie stand beside each other, watching over me as the nurse leads me through the nearest door and I lug my heavy duffel bag. Before I step inside, I wave back at the two people who care about me most, and silently pray that they'll still be there when I return.
***
The nurse directs me down an expansive hallway dotted with various individuals. They're all under eighteen since Neo is for minors only. Eventually, we arrive at a door on the left that opens into a quaint bedroom with a small twin bed and a shelving unit for me to keep the books I brought from home. Before she leaves, the nurse asks if she can search me and my belongings for anything that may pose a danger to me or the other patients. I comply, outstretching my arms, allowing her to pat me down. Afterward, she opens up my duffel bag and checks everything. Once she verifies that everything is clear, the nurse departs, giving me time to unpack.
Immediately after the nurse leaves, loneliness settles within my chest and I imagine Gray and Nessie are already on their way back to Santa Barbara. I've never done well being alone. My thoughts are too intrusive, always tearing me apart with insecurities and irrational fears. I hope that, over these next few weeks, I'll learn how to deal with my thoughts, my fears, my sadness, everything. My brain needs to be deconstructed like a backwards puzzle. Pieces have been jumbled and put in all the wrong places. Hopefully, the people here can put me back together again, with all the pieces in the right place.
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