Paris Wills is a dreamer. His father always said he got it from his mom, an artist who was unlike any other. Her virtue was painting, and Paris' is poetry. No matter where he is, Paris finds inspiration for his poems.
In the summer after his sophom...
"What's on your mind today?" Dr. Cole inquires, squinting her hazel eyes at me. She's studying my mannerisms, searching for hints to feelings I haven't shared. I noticed it at our second therapy session. According to Sabina, it's one of Dr. Cole's favorite tactics.
"André."
"What about André?"
To be honest, I'm not particularly sure. There's an abundance of concerns buzzing around my brain. For one, neither Sabina or I have heard anything from him or the hospital since yesterday. We don't even know if he's coming back to Neo or if his parents are taking him back home. They don't understand the severity of his depression. André tried to kill himself, and they think it's some attention-seeking stunt.
"Paris," Dr. Cole calls, pulling me out of my thoughts, "For me to help you, I need you to stop thinking about your answers and start voicing them."
Since our first therapy session, Dr. Cole's been nagging me about my tendency to zone out. According to her, it's one of my coping mechanisms. Whenever I'm nervous or upset, I let myself escape into a vortex of endless thinking. It's not healthy to shut the world out, but I've near perfected it at this point.
"I'm afraid that, even after yesterday, André's parents still won't take his depression seriously."
Dr. Cole nods, understanding my concern, "Many parents have trouble comprehending their children's struggles with mental health. They've incorrectly come to the conclusion that only those who've been through traumatic incidents can be depressed. You and Sabina are well aware that André lives a comfortable life with his parents. Not to mention, he's an incredibly intelligent student and gifted athlete. On the surface, André isn't the kind of person many, his parents included, would expect to be depressed."
"So? André tried to kill himself! Twice! Can't they see the darkness weighing him down?"
"It's likely that André's parents are in a state of disbelief. They've provided him with a prosperous lifestyle and a loving household. Therefore, André can't be depressed. And, if he is, then, in their minds, they've failed as parents."
"I get that, but how do we make André's parents accept their son's depression?"
"With time, I believe André and his parents will reach a similar understanding. Until then, the only thing we can do is be there for André."
Although it's not the answer I wanted to hear, it's the right answer. I give Dr. Cole a tight-lipped nod before she continues our discussion.
"You have an enormous heart, Paris. I can see it in the way you talk about Grayson or how much you care about André's struggles. It's one of the most phenomenal aspects of your personality. Even so, I have a feeling that this conversation is about more than André. Am I right?"
Another one of Dr. Cole's treasured strategies - asking a question she already knows the answer to. It's impossible to lie in these circumstances, so I let out a hurried, "yes," and apprehensively await her next question.
"How did André's suicide attempt affect you?"
I appreciate that Dr. Cole doesn't sugarcoat anything. She doesn't tiptoe around the situation by using euphemisms like accident to describe André's suicide attempt. Except it wasn't an accident. It was deliberate. André didn't want to be alive anymore. All the lights in his brain burnt out until there was nothing but darkness.
"After my first week here, I thought I was starting to feel better. I wasn't anywhere near healed, but I genuinely felt happy. Then, André tried to kill himself, and everything changed. I doubted whether I really felt better or if I was just fooling myself. After all, André's been here longer than I have and he's sitting in a hospital room right now."
"You're comparing apples and oranges."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"It means that you and André are not the same person. You are doing everything you can to get better. I've learned more about you in this past week than I've learned about André in the past three. He's never opened up to me the way you have. Yes, you both have depression. But that doesn't mean you're both fighting the same battle."
A single tear trails down my cheek, melting away to the warmth of hope radiating from my skin. Dr. Cole gave me the reassurance I desperately needed. This past week at Neo, I've felt better than I have in a long time. I can't let unreasonable doubts keep me from becoming my best self.
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