More to Him

Broken?

I can't even begin to describe how i feel right now. I feel so vulnerable and used i can't even explain it. I'm bleeding too, from multiple places. My head, from getting it smashed into the wall repeatedly when I tried to resist. But mainly from my lower body that feels like it was ripped to shreds. It's sore as hell and my first instinct is to get into the shower to wash it all away.

I crawl over to the shower, my arms wobbly and knees scraping across the slightly damp tile. I assume the wetness is from blood, tears, and other juices, which makes me grimace at the thought.

I manage to turn the water to warm and feel as the water rains onto my aching body.

I feel so broken. I can't even comprehend what happened. What do i do now? Do I stay away from everyone and just hide forever? That sounds amazing to me, but I know that won't happen. I know I'll have to face Pansy again and explain to her why I look so battered.

I won't tell her, though. I couldn't. She would tell me that i'm dramatic or that i'm a wussy for not just giving in. I am his girlfriend after all, right?

Not anymore, that's for sure. That'll be another thing that i'll have to explain to Jack and Ron and.. Draco. I forgot about him. What'll he do if he finds out what his best friend did? After our conversation earlier, it seems that he actually cares more than i thought he did.

I don't know if i'm going to tell anyone if i'm being honest. I'm not super close with anyone here, and i'm not going to write a letter to my mom in case it falls into the wrong hands somehow. I don't want people to find out.

Coming here was supposed to be a good change, a good place to get away from America and most importantly, Tommy.

I haven't thought about him in forever. Not since I smelled him in that Amortentia. I used to date him and it lasted for a little over 2 years. He was my best friend and the best person in my life. I thought for sure I was going to marry him. But when it all crumbled, I felt so weak and insecure, despite being the one that ended it. I haven't felt weak or helpless since then. Until now.

Blaise didn't ruin my life tonight. He disrespected me in unimaginable ways, but i'm not broken. I can't let him do that. I just know how satisfied he'd feel if he finds out exactly how badly he damaged me.

So you know what i'm going to do? I'm going to wash myself so well, moisturize, do a face mask, paint my nails, and slap a smile onto my face and have the best night's sleep i've ever had.

And that's exactly what I do.