Fitting In

Chapter 1 - The Plan

There's something calming and nerve racking at the same time about a new school.

Nobody knows you.

They weren't there when you cried for a week in kindergarten when your dog passed away. They weren't there when you embarrassed yourself in second grade by thinking you had a chance with Will Turel, the most popular boy in school. They weren't there when Allison Gade shoved you down into the dirt after school and ruined your new dress. They haven't put you in a box yet. They don't assume that they know you. You can be whoever you want to be. It's liberating.

But...nobody knows you.

First impressions set the tone. They may not have sorted you into a category yet, but they will. It's only a matter of time. One wrong move and I would be back where I started. Back with the bottom feeders.

I can't let that happen again. I'm sick of being rejected. Sick of missing out on parties. I want friends with an s. (More than one.) I want a boy to like me. I want to date. I want to be confident and I want others to stop looking down on me. I want to do all the things I never could.

So, I reinvented myself.

My parents aren't dumb. They waited to move me until after the year had ended. They didn't want me to have to completely start over one month away from summer break. And boy, did I use summer break.

I watched youtube for hours. I perfected the art of makeup. I found millions of cute easy hairstyles, and spent hours perfecting every brain, twist, and curl style imaginable. I blew the half of my money that wasn't going towards college from my ice cream shop job on a new wardrobe. I worked out. I practiced my facial expressions in the mirror for weeks. I was ready. Or, at least, as ready as I'll ever be.

I was prepared to fake it until I made it. Confidence can be faked. Stories can be fabricated. My personality can be warped and changed until I become who I want to be. Until I'm the person they want me to be.

My plan was to walk in like I didn't have a care in the world. Walk like I didn't get bullied at my old school. Walk like I've always been like this; like I didn't have a major glow up this summer. I was going to act as if I'm not impersonating someone cool. No, I was going to be that mysterious cool new kid. And I was going to love it.

Today is the day. I'm going to either fail or start playing the game. And I'm not failing this time.

Everything has been planned out. I'm a bit of an over thinker, but this time I think it worked to my advantage. I put on a pair of trendy jeans, a cute lacy statement top, and matching combat boots to offset my delicate shirt. Adding some simple jewelry, natural looking makeup, and doing my hair in a cute ponytail, I completed the look. Stepping back I admired my handiwork. Wow. I should be a professional fairy godmother. I wonder how much they get paid.

My backpack was pre-stuffed last night with all of my usual essentials. There was one thing missing.

Every first day since third grade I had brought an emergency book to school. When there's no one to talk to, when I get bored, or whenever it gets awkward, I would pull out my book. Reading a book is comforting, but it also would make me seem nerdy and unapproachable. It would allow me to fade into the background like the nobody that I was. I didn't want to fade. I wanted to shine. Sometimes you have to give yourself no other option than to face your fears. I had to put myself out there. I had to take away my safety net.

I walked down the stairs from my room into the kitchen. My mom was just getting up. She doesn't have to be at work until nine, so I'm usually the first one up. My dad works in a building about two hours away, so to save time and gas he rents an adpartment upstate. He comes home for the weekends and holidays. Sometimes it's hard, but I'm not particularly close with either of my parents.

"Hey, T, whatcha making me for breakfast?" She said yawning.

"Wait, what?!" I said pretending to be shocked, "I thought you were making me breakfest."

"Nope, today's your turn," she joked, "So...what are you making?"

"Plain bread on a plate," I answered plopping a limp slice of ordinary bread on a plate. "Bon appetite."

She grabs the bread and sticks it in the toaster.

"My masterpiece," I cried, "What have you done?!"

She just stuck her tongue out at me and grabbed the butter and jam from the fridge.

"The cruelty...I'm leaving before it gets worse," I paused dramatically, "Have a nice day you ungrateful unappreciative bread-murderer. I'm never cooking for you again."

As I stomped off I heard her quietly mumble, "If you always cook like this maybe that's a good thing."

I smiled, halfway out the door.

My car was old. It made an odd noise when I turned too far left, and the seats were falling apart at the seams. However, I wouldn't trade it for the world. My little rust bucket was my only sense of freedom. It let me get out of the house. My parents were always too busy to do things, so now I can do them myself. Plus my parents were strict, but they didn't really check up on me. As long as I kept my grades up and didn't get caught...I was golden.

Especially after they found out about everything.

Hopping into my baby, I took a deep breath, looked in the mirror, and smiled. It's time. I started the engine and turned up the radio.

I was nervous, but I was also determined not to show it. They say if you want something badly enough, then you can accomplish anything. I wanted this badly enough. I had directions from my GPS, a bop on the radio, the windows down, and my sunnies on. I was ready for the real world.

As I pulled into the unfamiliar parking lot I smiled to mask my nerves. I was shaking. It's just your excitement, I told myself. You're alright, so stop trembling so much. I popped some gum in my mouth to try and calm myself down. Looking out the window for the first time I saw the school. It was your average school building, but there was something special about it. It gave me a feeling. This school wasn't going to be somewhere I would avoid at all costs. No, this school year was going to be the best year of my short life. I'm going to be accepted, and it's all gonna pay off. With this in mind I opened the door and stepped out of the car. Taking my sunglasses off, I put on my backpack and tried not to look awkward.

Hoping I looked calm, cool, and collected, I started walking towards the entrance.

Towards other kids.

You look the part T, but can you play it? I smiled at my inner voice. Let's find out.