How I Learned to Love Myself{DISCONTINUED}

The Counselor

 

After the mess was cleaned up, we all sat in the hall. In the whole mess of this day, I forgot I had to go to the counselor.

“Kai, we can walk you to your house, if you want.” Lilac offered.

“No. I have to go to the counselor’s office.” I said.

“Then we’ll wait. It can’t take too long.” Evan said.

Just then my mother and Ms. Herlem came down the hall.

“Kai, oh dear, Kai! Where have you been?!” My mom asked. “I was looking all over for you! You didn’t answer your phone, and Ms. Herlem said that you weren’t there. It’s already six and- who are these people?” She looked at the twins.

“Those are my kids. Lilac and Evan. Fraternal twins, have classes with Kai. I put them with her because Eve was very interested in Kai’s story when I told them that she was coming back.” Ms. Herlem said. We walked down the hall, the previous moments behind us. God, I wish I could quit. I didn’t want to be in school, I didn’t want be alive. I hated support group, I hated the way people looked at me.

I.

Didn’t

Want.

To.

Exist.

“Let me lock up the office.” Ms. Herlem said.

“We can try tomorrow.” My mom said, with a sadness in her voice. I had somewhat disappointed her, and I understood why, She asked me to be strong, I wasn’t. She rubbed my back in an encouraging way, but I felt nothing. As we went outside, Lilac’s hoops and Evan’s piercing glinted in the sun.

“Bye Kai. I’ll see you tomorrow.” Lilac said. Evan smiled and waved off, and Ms. Herlem said bye as well. Ms. Herlem and the twins got into a Honda and drove off. My mom and I got in my car and drove off as well. When we reached the house, Mike was outside with two plates in his hands.

“I wanted to eat with you. Mom said that we didn’t come home, so she left to find you. And dad ordered the pizza as soon as I got home. So, I grabbed our portions and sat here to wait for you.” He said. It was very sweet of him to do this. Considering all that has happened. I didn’t want to exist, but he made me stay here. We walked to the back porch, and ate our pizza. He asked me basic questions, How was your day? Are you feeling okay? How are the teachers? Then he asked the one question I didn’t want to answer.

“Why were you late?”

“I was bullied again. Some girls thought it would be funny to make fun of what happened over the summer.”

His face went red with fury when I told him.

“They have no right-”

“Mike, this is my battle.”

“But I want to help you! Please let me help you! Vent to me! I always listen.” He said.

Then I realized, Ms. Herlem wasn’t my counselor. That was just a title for a nice woman who listened to problems. Mike was better. He comprehended them. He was my counselor more than anything. I have always confided in him, and now, he was the one who cared. He was my counselor.