It's so cold. So dark. There's screeching in the background. I can't tell up from down. I have no shadow, in fact I'm nowhere. I stand there, as if time holds darkness so still, that I'm wrapped in it.
Suffocating in it. Why is it so hard to breath when nothing is holding me.
"STOP FAILING US!" The man's voice says. It's a deep voice. I haven't heard him for 7 years. I haven't had this dream for 7 years.
That's it! It's only a dream. Wake up, Kai! Wake up!
I can't!
It holds me so tightly. Too tightly.
Then the ground shakes. Or it could be the ceiling. It all cracks. I see light.
"Wake up, Kai! Kai Elizabeth! Wake up!" But I know that voice. I'd do anything for that voice.
I'm coming, Mike!
***********
I wake up gasping for air. Tony was right above me, trying to get me to wake up. I rub my eyes... wait-
I was crying. Then it hits me. The darkness, the cold, the falling. I haven't had the dream for 7 years. Why now? I cried into Tony's chest.
"It's okay, Kai. I have you." He says. "I have you now. You're safe. It's okay." He continues to whisper sweet nothings until I calm down.
"Do you wanna talk about it?" He asks. I think about my answer. Do I want to? No. Do I need to? Yes. I suck in a breath, and nod.
"For starters, I haven't had the dream in 7 years, and now it starts again. It starts the same. It's cold, and dark. I can only see myself. My hands, my feet. Everything else is pitch black. Then a voice calls out to me. Something about failing. Then I fall. It's a weird sensation, because, there is no way to tell if I'm really falling. I just feel my organs collapse. Then I can't breathe. It feels like someone is suffocating me. And then... I wake up." I didn't mention hearing Mike's voice.
Mike.
I haven't seen Mike since I left to the airport, to Scotland, leaving Spokane for the last time. Oh poor Mike. He was the only thing keeping me alive. And then I met the twins, and Tony.
And you left him.
My head shouts at me. I hold back the tears.
"I want to see my Mikey." I mumble. Tony only nods. "I want to see his face again. I want to hug him. Touch him. Anything." I continue to ramble.
"You'll see him in the morning." Tony says, thinking about Vic's brother. Not my brother. I shake my head.
"No Tony. That's the wrong Mike. I mean, my Mike. The one who kept me living through therapy. The one who kept me happy before I met you. The first one to hear about the dream. And I left him. I can't see him again. It's my fault. I failed."
"No, Kai. You didn't fail. I can help you, if you want. We can go back, visit Spokane, and search for the Gillan's. I mean, he's 23 now, but his parents loved Spokane, so we could ask where he is." I nod, and bury myself into the warmth of the blanket. Tony pulls me closer, and I snuggle into him. I don't have the dream again that night.
**The Next Morning**
I wake up and Tony is gone. Probably in the back lounge, or front lounge. I don't know at the moment. I drag myself to the luggage, and get clothes to change into(SEE EXTERNAL LINK). We were at the venue all day today.
It was hard to stay in my head, as the blonde bitch... sorry, Amelia, had heels and gum.
"Someone doesn't care what they show today." Tony says pointing at my arms.
YOU ARE READING
How I Learned to Love Myself{DISCONTINUED}
Teen FictionIt was always about Mike. Never about myself, but his face when he found me on the floor. The tears in his eyes. All the blood he saw. The pills and blood pooling around me. He started screaming for mom and dad. They rushed in horrified at my state...
