How I Learned to Love Myself{DISCONTINUED}

Singing to Graves

Waking up was the hardest thing to do that morning. Yet, the sun continues to amaze me. The way it shines from my window, and glances off my vanity mirror. The way it lights up my room without turning on a lamp. 

Slowly, I bring my legs over, and feel for the floor. This is one of the very few things I enjoy about my life. Waking up to serenity. I finally bring up the courage to look in the mirror. I think I scare myself sometimes. The scars running up and down my forearms and thighs. The bags under my eyes... the tired hold... the wishing not to exist. It's all there. She stares right back at me. I feel how I look.

Like crap.

I break from my thoughts, as someone knocks on my door.

"Yes?" I prompt.

"Just making sure you were awake! By the way, be ready in thirty minutes. Someone is gonna pick you up!" The voice belonged to my "mom."

I saw no use in wasting time, so I quickly got ready. I was still trying to tame my hair, somewhat, when someone opened my door.

"Well, this is her room. She was just in here. One second." My mom opens the door to the bathroom, where I was struggling to take my brush out of my hair. 

I hate tangles...

"Um... hi." I say to the guy behind my mom.

"Kai, this is our new neighbor's kid. Caesar." 

"Tony. I go by my middle name, which is Antonio, but... yeah." The boy corrects.

"Right. Tony. Anyway, Kai, help Tony around. He's having breakfast with us, by the way." Mom turns away, and leaves the room.

There are a couple of moments of awkward silence. I take the moment to capture his appearance. The only metal he has are the snakebites on his lips. He has wide chocolate eyes, and thin lips. The nose is slightly pointed, and his black hair covers his ears.

"So..." He says breaking the silence. " Where did you dye your hair?" All I can do is laugh. This was the first thing they all notice. My hair. "What's so funny?" He asks, slightly hurt by my reaction to his first question.

"Sorry, but everyone asks that. Um, I don't dye my hair. Had this color since I was a wee little baby!" I say, faking the accent. "I'm adopted. My parents died in a car crash, so either I went to my drunk uncle, grandparents back in Scotland, or go into foster care. So... they put me with the Gillan family! Yay!" I finish with fake enthusiasm.

"I'm sorry." He says... great, now the sympathy... right before he sees the bottles. Then I'll lose him.

"For what? Nothing you could change. Besides, look where I am now." I put everything up. I only bothered to do eyeliner this morning, but it was okay. "So... breakfast. Let's go." I rush down the stairs with Tony right behind me.

I plop myself in my seat, right next to Mike. "Hey, bud. Slept well?" I ask a sleepy Mike, who was still rubbing his eyes.

"No." He says bluntly.

"Okay then. Mom. What's for breakfast?" I ask. Usually it would be Mike... but with his attitude, I did it instead.

"Well, someone wants to eat today!" My dad says excitedly. Before remembering there was another person at the table. Mom puts plates down in front of us. I struggle a little bit, as it's not the usual toast I've had every morning since therapy. With only two bites left, I stand up from the table, and grab my bag. Mike soon stands up, grabbing his, and then Tony. He thanks me as I toss it to him.

"Bye mom." Mike says, before stepping out the door and closing it behind. We all walk to the bus stop in relative silence. The clicking of the metal on my boots keeps Mike awake as he walks. I notice Tony chewing lightly on his left snakebite in nervousness.