How I Learned to Love Myself{DISCONTINUED}

ICU & Guilt

October 31st

I step out of the hospital, looking for some peace and quiet for a while. I look up in the sky, tears on the brink of falling. I keep what my grandma said to me when I took up the job in the hospital.

Every good nurse starts in ICU... every bad nurse ends in ICU.

I just need to push through. But it was so hard. I worked through over 6 ICU patients, and 1 of them didn't make it. He was in a really bad car crash. Head on collision with a tree. He was trying to make it home from the bar, and swerved on the icy road. He had past about 2 hours ago, and I was still trying to calm myself down. At least tomorrow I would be in the Maternity ward.

I heard a click behind me, and I turned my head to see a guy in a Stormtrooper costume... with a gun pointed at me. I went cold immediately. I couldn't tell if it was fake or not. This was just the cherry on the sundae, wasn't it?! 

My tears are already free when I collect myself and speak. "Are you fucking kidding me?! I had over 6 ICU's today, one of them didn't make it! This is just the cherry on the sundae! What do you WANT?!" I scream the question. The gun clatters to the ground... Plastic. The gun was plastic. I sigh, and let more tears fall.

"Fuck you." Is all I say. The guy remains quiet. "I was scared. Legitimately scared for my life." Then he takes off the helmet talks, then I really get upset.

"Kai," James starts. "Look, I'm sorry. I was just playing around. Come on, it's halloween! I wanted to have some fun with you. I have your favorite costume and everything." All I can do is shake my head. We were supposed to go to a party tonight, but I bailed when I got pulled the late shift.

"Just stop."

"No, because there is an even better surprise. Not just a clean TARDIS costume, but an amazing person is waiting at your house!"

I pause. "You got Mama Tyre out of her house for the weekend?!"

"No! Someone better!"

"WHO?!"

"It's a surprise!"

I groan, and follow James to his car. "I still hate you for this. Under this coat, I have his blood, and... I can't. I just... no. I need a shower, and a bed. Maybe a lion bar, too." I wonder why I feel guilty. The arrival to my new house couldn't be better. I gave James the key when I bought it a couple months ago. I bought a dog and everything. I get out of the car.

"I'm so tired." I say yawning.

"Come on, Love. Say hello to your guest." James says He holds out my TARDIS costume."If you feel up to it, come by the party. If not, enjoy the night!" I nod, already stifling a yawn. Time to see who my guest is. As I open the front door, my heart stops. Okay, it doesn't stop, then I would be back in ICU, and God! I hate that place!

Anyway, Tony is in my living room, holding Luna in one hand, and his Stormtrooper helmet in the other. I mean, overall he was in a stormtrooper costume, but still. He sets Luna down, and the helmet as well.

"I'm so tired of Stormtroopers!" I yell, running up, and closing the distance between us. Tone embraces me in a hug. "I am slowly hating Halloween. Too many bad experiences in one night." I sigh.

"How have you been?" He asks, with concern in his voice.

"On the brink of terrible. I had about 6 ICUs and one of them didn't make it. That was today, alone." I feel the tears coming again. "He was my last patient of the day. I couldn't save him. His blood is on my scrubs, and... I can't deal with it." He rubs my back, calming me down slightly.