It's about moving on

7: Of Anxiousness & Bluntness

'"Cause the brighter that we shine there's a bigger shadow in our wake.

A story we can tell another time,

but if this was love and I was wrong then,

I'll admit the mistakes we made were always mine."

Dean Lewis- For the last time.

___________

The following day, I decided to return to my regular attitude and to not dwell in his playful attitude.

He admitted it himself, back in his old high school, he was the popular guy, so the sweet-talking was a must skill.

Also, guilt was eating me up, I neither explained my lash outs nor confessed that I was intentionally avoiding him. Thus, apologizing subtly was the best solution for both our friendship and the assignment to work.

I carried the lunch tray and shoved it to the table he was sitting on. Then, looked at him so he could take his earphones off.

I munched a bite of my burger, then glanced at him, checking if he was busy with his food or not, so I could initiate a conversation.

I took a deep breath, then started. "Sorry that I fussed, when I knew that you were my partner, it is just that, I don't know! Did I think maybe that it would bring me and James closer, like the old times? Or perhaps, it is how we are getting close to each other on short notice. To be frank with you, I'm even perplexed by some actions by you."

His eyes resembled shock from what I have uttered, so he coughs awkwardly then retorts. "What actions? Have I made you uncomfortable before? When and why?"

"Well, erm... excuse my bluntness, our dance on the hill for starters, I will admit that it made me feel things that I shouldn't have felt because you are a true friend, and only two months passed since the ending of my first relationship. A one that I thought it would last for eternity.

You also seem to be always knowing what to say and to do whenever something critical occurs, yet make it clear that we are just the best of friends. I don't know where am I standing in this friendship, that's all." I ended my speech with another munch of my food to seem nonchalant. When in fact, my heart was thumping in its place because I wished we were more than friends despite my days of the denial.

"Oh, about that! Haha! I'm sorry if my actions seem intimate, I may have forgotten to mention, back in my old high school, I was a sweet-talker; I thought when I start freshly in here, it will change, but I guess old habits die hard. I didn't mean to lead you on, and I am genuinely sorry for making you feel untrue things. I hope that everything is clear now."

He smiled at me, but something in it called it unreal. It wasn't like the ones he used to always direct to me. It didn't reach his eyes; also, he avoided showing me his eyes during his speech, which is a rarity. I felt like there were unhidden truths underneath those words, but I should not dwell as I have been saying to myself. Perhaps, it was my mind playing games again to cover up my feeling of rejection, so I smiled back at him and decided to divert the topic toward the assignment that would assure me of the dreams' university.

"We have a lot to discuss regarding the assignment, and because the time frame is narrow, we should meet up after school to review it, don't you think?" was his reply to the matter we had.

I couldn't help but agree with what he said, so I remarked. "Why don't you come home with me tomorrow after school? We both finish early at 1 pm. You can also join me for dinner. What do you think?"

He seemed to be contemplating, probably thought that I was offering him a place in my bed, which's why I further elaborated."My family would be there too; it is purely a platonic invitation, and you can refuse it if you want. It is just that I can't go out today because I have a shift at the diner."

"Did you even give me a chance to respond? I don't mind, let me text my brother to notify him about tomorrow, then I could freely join. You jump to conclusions so fast." He laughed, which earned him a scowl, then he looked at his watch and stood up. "The bell rings in a five. What do you have next?"

I smiled then told him that it was science in class A203. "It is on my way, let me walk you." Then he extended his hand to offer it to me, which I gladly accepted in return, and we walked out of the cafeteria hand in hand. The action left me in a daze that it made me forget that holding hands isn't a playful act, was he lying?

♫♫♫♫

To say that I was freaking out from the inside would be an understatement, we are on our way to my house, and the faint music can be heard from the car's speakers, but I was too busy in my own mind. I was weighing down the options, what to do, and what to say since he sat boundaries for our friendship, and frankly, it also seems weird that he has to be playful without being blamed. I also thought of how my brother, Caleb, would react when they meet.

He and James seemed to start being friends because of the choir; however, Caleb is the epitome of overprotectiveness. He doesn't talk much, but he would go full caveman on whoever approaches me, even in a friendly manner.

He never approved of my relationship with Luke, his actions said it all. He used to increase the spices for Luke's plate, and he might have drooped his hot coffee on Luke's lap one-too-many times by accident. I'm sure that if he weren't busy by college, he would've been in jail for murdering Luke.

I couldn't worry about my father since he has never joined dinner; he prefers it to be delivered to his study.

"I can hear the gears working in your mind, you know?" I couldn't see his face because I was peering at the window, letting the dusk breeze hit my face to sober up my thoughts; however, I sensed the humor in his tone.

"It's nothing you have to worry about, I'm just tired from the schoolwork." I sighed at him, continuing to look absentmindedly at the passing streets, wondering what my invitation would hold.

♫♫♫♫♫♫♫

Where do you want to travel the most? For me, it's always been and always will be Santorini.

I hope you liked reading this chapter, it's the best grammatically so far.

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