It's about moving on

4: Of Hairs & Cliques

"You're in love,

in love without me

So close your heart

You'll never find me

Oh-oh-oh-oh, you can hate me now

'Cause I'll be gone And I'll be with you or without"

Without - Years & Years

________________________

" When a girl cuts her hair, it means she wants to change her world"

I was always cynical about that quote. What would a hair cut do with my world? That was my perception until I was exposed to heartache.

After him, I am left in torture, the reflection staring right back at me in the mirror looks faded. I feel like I am a ghost, a trace of my old self, so why not to act upon it and change myself. He may have gotten bored of my long hair, that was it perhaps, he danced with a girl with shoulder-length hair. "Stop thinking about him!" my subconscious yelled at me and I had to follow its words.

However, it was your average gloomy Sunday night that is full of homework when I decided to take the action and curtail my hair. I was somehow possessed during the process because I had cut three-quarters of it until it reached my ears.

If I had a choice, I would have gone further and made it a boy cut; with my current baggy style of clothing though, I would be mistaken for James. The waviness of my hair also made it cascade in a fancy way. Looking through the mirror after the styling, I felt like I was able to breathe again, like I was fresh, like a reborn of a new era that I am the main character in it.

That feeling of glory though lasted for about an hour then I managed to tie my hair in a tiny ponytail and changed for sleeping and the past wounds got instructed to open again.

♫♫♫♫

Back to hell or as the other people call it, the school, the place that I wanted to escape as much as possible. I know that the rumours are still on and the judgemental gazes will hunt me as I walk down the hallway again. However, I am sure that there are a pair of hazel orbs that will not judge me and I'm willing to see, it's Justin's.

I wore a black hoodie and decided to shut everyone out using the headphones, the gloomy music blaring in my ears didn't make me pay attention to the person passing next to me.

Justin with his remarkable blue headphone was looking at me with a cute dimple smile decorating his face. He ushered for me to take my headphones off while he was turning his off, he asked me about the song that I was listening to, so I told him that it was 'Without' by Years&Years. His smile got wider when he knew and recommended some other songs to me.

I wanted to take a closer look at his features so I tilted my head up a little bit, making the hood fell off my head and my new styled hair to appear. His reaction was weird, it was a mixture of emotions, the awe, the surprise, and the worry. He stared at my face for a good minute until he touched a strand of my newly done short hair and declared: "You had fashioned your hair."

"Erm... yes I did, what do you think about it?" Him touching my hair rendered me awkward while I should be confident and why did I ask for his opinion? So much for continuing a conversation.

"I think it's a great starter for relieving whatever was stressing you on Friday, but the healthier approach was to cut the reason behind it, not your hair" He was genuinely advising and his approach was neat, so it didn't upset me like the other criticisms I received. I would have continued our chat but the first bell rang to alert us about the classes.

♫♫♫♫

I wonder what am I doing here? That table used to be where everyone comes stressed to vent his heart while sharing his/her lunch with the others. What has gone wrong? I couldn't stomach my best friends while they are blabbering about the new lipstick launched by LAura, my brother while he is complaining about how the girls keep on hitting on him, or Luke who brought that girl along to eat on our table. I felt like the place where I once belonged became strange and suffocating.

They tried to get me engaged in their talks but I decided to crawl into my shell and to create a world of my own, where the music patched my soul.

My guess was they were having me with them to make me feel like nothing has changed whilst everything has. None of them including my brother noticed my hair cut even though my hood is down.

I was focusing on the melodies playing in my ears when I noticed Justin. He was sitting alone at the back of the cafeteria with the headphone typically on his head. His gaze, however, was fixated on me and alluring my curiosity. I was in a daze when I picked my trey of food and went to sit at the opposing bench to him. I ignored the others at my table asking where I was going and put my tray at his table sitting opposing to him. I was putting my headphones around my neck when he was turning his off.

"Well, if it isn't the Emma O'Connell granting me with her presence on my table, what would bring you for such a peasant's table?" was what he initiated the conversation with making me laugh.

"In the morning, you mentioned that I should cut what is stressing me and it is sitting on that table". He followed my gaze to Luke's direction and he kept on intently looking at him while his jaw is clenched.

"It must be unbearable" that seemed to gain his attention as he responded with a brief "What?"

"The loneliness you were experiencing, I mean how did you manage? I know that most of the time people prefer to be alone and I understand that considering that our first meeting I was sitting alone, but it must be bad and damn I am rambling now and-" I tend to do that with the people I am comfortable around. I have this weird mindset, which makes my talking about anything or everything is my scale of importance. People, however, usually mistake it for clinginess. That would explain why I was silent lately.

He chuckled at my silliness and said that it was ok to ramble and then responded to my question "Wanna know about a secret? I was popular back in my old school. I decided to give it all up though and start with a fresh beginning." I nodded to prompt him for continuing.

"After my parent's accident and I felt like the compassionate gazes on the hallway will haunt me until we reach the graduation, the same went for my elder brother so we came here.

Well, the people here aren't the most hospitable but being 'the mysterious newcomer' is way better than being ' the devastated basketballer' " he shrugged and continued to munch on his sandwich. We ate in comfortable silence until he stated that my clique is staring hard at me.

"Let them be, I am here enjoying my lunch with my new friend." making his eyes gleam and his dimple to appear in the response.

It feels great to see his smile, and it makes me feel the glory because I am the reason. He was always that deep frowning guy passing by me in the corridor, no one paid attention that he was suffering including me, but from now on, that will change. I will keep him company and be the one who makes him smile

♫♫♫♫♫♫♫

What's the most precious thing you own? A merch for sounds good feels good album by 5sos. You have no idea how much I love the band

Let me know about what did you think about this chapter in the comments :)

Also, if you pressed on the star, it will glow and made both of us happy!

Have a great day!