It's about moving on

5: Of Dances & Memorials

But life

Just seems to happen right before my eyes

'Cause I feel like I'm not there

'Cause my head is up somewhere

Far away from all my friends

Ruel- Hard sometimes

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The day was overwhelming, I felt like among all those crowded streets I am a lonely wandering soul. I felt like I need to be held into someone's arms while he whispered sweet nothings in my ear.

I never was that needy but in the current circumstances, I am an attention seeker. I am usually ignored by who should love me and appreciate my presence, and because today carries the agonizing memory of mom's loss, I don't have a chance of going to the house.

Every year on that day, my father doesn't appreciate me to either show up or approach him, so I get banished from going home or to her gravestone, that allowed me to go to the only place where I can sanctify her memory, the top hill.

The top hill is one of the most enchanting natural scenes in our town, it combines the aesthetic portions in one lovely scene, the lake, the stars, and the variant flowers scattered along with the grasses.

Last year, and on that day, Luke asked me to be his, because in his eyes it was the perfect choice to he could make to replace my griefed memory with a bright one. Little did we know that the agony will be doubled. Our hearts aren't beating as one like last year, hence here I am, a lonely broken heart that has so many scars to bear.

I am torn for everything that I am going through, numbness is all that is coursing through my veins. I was staring blankly at the sunset in front of me while reminiscing every pain that I have been through, lost in my thoughts and dazed till a shadow loomed behind me.

"Never took you for the suicidal type" was the first thing that the ghost uttered, making me startled. He then moved to face me and turned out that it was Justin, without his signature headphones though.

His presence at this moment was confusing. I didn't know whether I should hug him and sob my worries away in his arms or freeze in my place and push him away because he didn't respect my privacy and followed me till here.

I let out a sigh and decided to continue the conversation he initiated. "Did you think that I will jump?"

He scratched the back of his head. "Well, you were gazing at the slide for a good couple of minutes, and lately your mood has been bleak, you didn't even come and join me in the cafeteria for lunch. It has grown as a habit to listen to your talks at the break, so when you didn't arrive, I got worried." the colour red has tinted his cheeks at the end of the speech and his face was down so I wouldn't read his eyes. There was a skip in my heartbeats because of his concern.

"Well, life is indeed a mess for me but I have to fulfil my mother's dream before I depart. It would be the least I could do to repay her endless favours" I sighed.

"The thing is frankly, you remind me of a close friend that attempted suicide... her attitude before the attempt was similar to yours, starting with the change of her hairstyle, passing by the heartbreak, ending with visiting dangerous places. I didn't want to lose you like I nearly lost her. I didn't want to make new friends in the first place because I knew I might lose them," he muttered the last sentence thinking that I wouldn't hear it.

I couldn't prevent myself from muttering " Taking risks might make you a winner in the end" However I hoped he wouldn't dwell on my words since we aren't that much of friends yet.