Waves of Uncertainties

Chapter 3

The details of this four-cornered-room scream so much masculinity. It has a combination of dark colors with earthly tonalities. Walls are painted with the shades of black and charcoal. The floor is a hard wood that complements the color of the horizontal planes I am in. Lamp shades and white satin sheets in a king size bed did the balancing of the totality of the room's interior.

I am completely in an unfamiliar place. Last night was a cloudy memory. I can remember that the waves became wild. I was scared in the middle of darkness. The boat I am in was tossed in different directions. I cried and cried until I dozed off. The motor boat I was in suddenly turned off and never came back to life again.

In the morning, I was surprised. I didn't expect to be waking up in a calm water. I thought I won't see sunshine again. I was quite disappointed. Memories came rushing in. I was disappointed to be still breathing and to be feeling the same pain that I felt yesterday.

I talked to myself. I wanted to end my life. At least... when they will come to know about my demise, they will get hurt... they will be sad, but it will just be for a while. Eventually, they will learn to fall into the stage of acceptance.

Some might think that I am too shallow for choosing to end my life. Some might say that I am of a little faith. Some may say that I am the coward and fragile that I am. But... I have made up my mind. I have knit stitched every fragment of my thoughts.

What made my mind so set about it? ...

...Growing up, I only had little memories of the two people who brought me into this world. They were taken from us at such an early age. From then, it was only my sister and I. She is the sweetest. She loves me a lot and she does everything for me. All her life, she spent it by raising me until I become independent. She took the roles of both our parents. Never in my life that I have seen her done something for herself. She was too focused on me. Too focused on me that it made me think that she's too harsh on herself. Don't get me wrong. She's simple and yearns for a simple life. I got that observation in the sense that she's not doing something for herself that makes her happy except seeing my happiness.

...

Finally... I got my architecture degree in Seoul National University. I got one fine job in one of the best architectural companies in Seoul, South Korea. Originally, we are from a simple province in Daegu. We spent time growing up having a simple life, but we were so much contented. The gap of not having my parents with us was filled in by my sister's love for me.

It was too hard for my sister to send me away from her. She cried. She wailed. She said she will miss my presence so much, but we needed that... I needed that... Both of us wanted growth.

The distance was not a hindrance to diminish our love and care for each other. It made our relationship stronger and well bonded instead.

When I got my first job at a prestigious company, she was so happy for me. She almost threw a party to celebrate my first employment. I refused. I just wanted to savour the little victory with her. I only wanted to ponder on how we were able to cross that bridge together. Yes, there were hardships, but we were able to make it. Our respect for each other was an immense factor in this success.

My sister... She also radiates success. What I admired about her was that, she was not stagnant while I'm also going on with my life. I'm so proud of her. She's an inspirational writer. She inspires a lot of people, including me. Our lives were not easy, but there are too much positive things to ponder on her crafts. It was not too long for her to be discovered by the people who wanted motivations and encouragements. It was like a wildfire being put off by the calmness and realizations of her thoughts being put into words.