It's a Hard life | Hardzello♡

10. Stargazing

After Ben came home from work, things got a little awkward between him and Joe. Both felt the spark between them when they touched hands, but neither of them dared to mention it. They both didn't even speak a word during dinner.
"So uhm, I think I'm going to bed. I'm quite tired." Ben says when it's around 10 Pm.
Joe nods, trying to hide his disappointment. He actually hoped that he and Ben could talk, or at least watch tv together or something. "Uhm yeah, I don't think I'll be up that long either. Good night." He says with the most fake smile there is.
"G'night." Ben mumbles before walking towards his room.
Once Ben has disappeared from Joe's sight, the ginger grabs the remote to put on a movie or something. He finds a show that seems okay, and so he settles a bit deeper into the cushions of the couch.
But he can't manage to keep his attention on the tv. All he can think about is Ben.

When it's around midnight, Joe decides to go to bed.
He is about to turn of the lights in the living room, when he sees Ben's sweater hanging over a chair. He should probably bring this to Ben's room, otherwise the blond will be shirtless in front of him again tomorrow morning. The ginger grabs the sweater and turns of the lights before walking towards Ben's room.
After a soft knock on the door Joe enters Ben's room, expecting to find a sleeping Ben. But he finds the opposite of that. 
The blond boy is sitting in the bay window, staring at the starry sky outside.
"Hey, you're still up. I just came to bring your sweater." Joe says softly.
Ben stops staring out and looks at Joe with a smile. "Thanks. Can't you sleep either?"
Joe shakes his head. "No not really." He says with a chuckle.
Ben gets up. "So, maybe a weird question, but do you wanna watch the stars outside together?" He is happy that the room is quite dark, because he can feel his cheeks redden already.
Joe nods with a big smile. "Yeah, sure. Let me just make us some cocoa first." He says.
Ben smiles relieved.

Together they sit down in the backyard, both with a cup of hot chocolate in their hands.
For a while, they just look at the starry sky without saying anything.
"I can watch the sky all night long." Joe says, breaking the silence.
Ben smiles and nods in agreement. "Me too. It's just so peaceful out here. Makes you forget about time." He says with a smile. "What time is it actually?" 
Joe chuckles softly before putting his mug down and taking his phone. "It's half past twelve." He says. "Happy anniversary."
Ben gives him a questioning look. "What do you mean?" He asks confused.
Joe giggles softly and grins. "It's exactly a week ago that I found you half dead in the snow."
A big smile appears on Ben's face. He stares at his mug for a moment. "I never thanked you for saving me, did I?" He asks.
Joe smiles and shrugs. "I think you did. The fact that I have a roommate now is the biggest thanks I can get. You saved me. From... loneliness, I guess." He mumbles as he avoids Ben's gaze. Gwil wanted him to open up to Ben, let's hope it works.
Ben scoots a little closer to Joe. "Can I ask you something?" He asks softly.
Joe smiles reassuringly, and nods. "Yes, of course. Always." He says.
"Why did you live in this pretty big house alone before I became your roommate? I mean, where are your parents? If you don't mind me asking of course." Ben asks carefully.
A quite sad smile appears on Joe's face. "No, I don't mind you asking." He says reassuringly to the blond. "My family lives in New York. I moved to the UK about a year ago."
Again, Ben scoots a little closer to the ginger. "So, why'd you move away?" He asks.

Joe takes a deep breath, and closes his eyes for a moment. "Well, three years ago, my mom was diagnosed with lung cancer. Two years long she had been fighting it. But chemo didn't work out, and my mom couldn't handle much more. She died in her sleep, the day before Christmas eve. So yeah... that's kinda sad." He pauses his story for a moment and swallows. The only ones that know about this are Gwil and Rami.
Ben can see how hard it is for Joe to tell about his mom. He takes the ginger's hand, to comfort him.
Joe looks up to meet Ben's green eyes, and smiles a little. "I decided to move away, because I couldn't take more than two steps over the doorstep of the front door or I had a panic attack. I couldn't even watch my dad drinking tea from my mom's favorite mug. And because of all those panic attacks, my energy level dropped, and I was too tired and weak to come out of bed. I have a younger sister, and since my older brother was always working and my parents were always in the hospital, I needed to babysit her. But I couldn't. After consulting with my dad, we decided that it was better for my health that I moved away. That way I would stop having panic attacks, and it was easier for my father to support the family."
Ben gives the ginger's hand a gentle squeeze, just to let him know he's here for him.
"Once in the UK I started to do stupid stuff. I went out every night to get totally wasted, just to numb the pain. I picked up some boy, and made some sort of hooker arrangement. Whenever I felt frustrated I called him to come over. I'm not proud of it all, but I'm trying to change. I don't want to be addicted to alcohol anymore. I don't want to be lonely anymore." Joe says with a soft sniffle.
When Ben sees a single tear running down Joe's cheek, he pulls the ginger close against his chest. This moment he doesn't care about his crush on the boy. Joe needs him. "I get it Joe. Sometimes you just want to make the pain go away. If you want, I'll help you to stay away from the alcohol." He whispers.
Joe nods with a soft sob. "Would you do that?"
Ben nods. "Of course. And you won't be lonely anymore. Because I'm not leaving you. Unless you kick me out of course." The Brit whispers with a soft chuckle.
Joe giggles softly and smiles at the boy through his tears. "Not a chance." He whispers. He closes his eyes for a second and enjoys the moment. Because this is probably the last time he will be this close against Ben's chest without things being awkward.
"How come you weren't scared? Moving to another country is quite a thing." Ben asks softly when they pull away of the hug. 
Joe moves his gaze to the sky, to the stars. "Every time I was scared, I just reminded myself I wasn't alone. I'm pretty sure my mom is watching over me." He mumbles, kind of embarrassed for his way of thinking. Maybe Ben will think it's weird.
Ben nods. "I think so too. Everyone has a beloved one watching over them from above." He whispers.
Joe meets his eyes, which are looking quite sad at him.
The blond swallows, gathering all his courage to tell Joe about his past. "I uhm... I lost my best friend Allen a few months ago."

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Chapter ten already, omg😱

Sorry I didn't upload all week but I've had a tough week💕

Anyways, I hope you enjoyed this part♡