"Are you lost, babygirl?"
Min Yoongi finds himself in the clutches of self-proclaimed gangster Jung Hoseok. Strangely, Hoseok is more terrified of Yoongi despite his "assertive" role.
Delve into the parody of the infamous Polish hit-piece "365 Days"...
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Gangsters are fluffballs
•
ABSCONDING sounded like a good word to write in bold, capital letters and Yoongi could agree with that sentiment.
Cool, green paste gently kissed his skin as two, fat slices of cucumber shaded his pretty eyes. The therapeutic sensation was unfortunately disrupted occasionally by the whirring of a hair-dryer.
As he sat in Hoseok's personal spa, leeches hungrily sucking on his dainty toes, he wondered how Hoseok with damp hair looked like. He could just take the cucumber off his eyes and see it, but he preferred musing over it. It sounded elegant, sultry even.
Even though it made as much sense as a three-dollar bill, much like how the entire sequence played out.
Parting his lips open, he vocalised the question that many a reader begged the answer to:
"Why Build-a-Bear's, of all places? Why not Prada, or Burberry, or Zara, or-"
"Gucci?" Hoseok asked. He sounded amused.
He sighed loudly - or that's would Yoongi liked to think he did; the annoying hair-dryer was back at its old game.
"One-hundred and seventy-five- no, wait, eighty-two- no, four- nevermind. Nearly two-hundred words have been penned down, and you still don't have the slightest idea what to write, Maits?" Hoseok shook his head.
Thank goodness our darling protagonist couldn't hear him. Back to the script then, Hoseok and you all must pretend this never happened with a straight face.
Once the hair-dryer (that cheeky little bastard) dialled it down,
"Anyway, as I was going to say, I rob Build-a-Bear's for a specific reason."
He paused.
"Go on," Yoongi prodded.
"Hush, it's to build up suspense," Hoseok assured, staying quiet.
"Maits' one month update-break was suspenseful enough, stop beating around the bush."
Hoseok threw his hands up in surrender.
"Alright, fine, you win! I rob Build-a-Bear's to preserve my family's legacy."
"Which is to rob Build-a-Bear's?"
"No, silly! It's to fight against capitalism of the worst sort - emotional, manipulative capitalism!"
Yoongi was at a loss for words. You must be, too.
"Think about it in this way - a teddy bear building facility that lets you customise your bear in the barest way possible and charges you heaps of money for making it."
"But you're using their materials and doing the bare minimum-"
"Children are rewarded with trips to these places and can make utterly trashy toys but still the parent must purchase it for it is a special gift. What is so special about making your own gift? That's like making chocolates for yourself on a Valentine's Day, which is very sad. You could buy a manufactured bear for less than half the price."
"Isn't it for the experience-"
"Experience? Bah! If you wanted your child to have an accurate experience, you would make them work at a toy factory."
"But that's child labour."
"Which is illegal, yes. So by dubbing their nonsensical marketing strategy as a special experience they are, in fact, capitalising using emotional manipulation of the worst kind - involving an innocent child."
"But isn't that how all marketing strategies targeted at children work-"
"Enough questions! It's time you see how I do my thing!"
Yoongi removed the slices from his eyes and just managed to catch Hoseok stomping away, swaying his gorgeous hips.
"How stupidly handsome."
*
Clad in black, Yoongi stepped out of the van in which he allowed himself to be carried away and looked up at the mall that towered them in the darker hours of the night.
Hoseok gleefully rubbed his hands as he gazed at the same sight, his tight face mask making all his facial details more prominent. Yoongi wondered how he managed to breathe in them and ceased to do so when Jungkook jammed one onto his head - they were surprisingly comfortable. No doubt they were an invention of that Namjoon guy.
"I have already unlocked the backdoor for us," Jungkook informed.
"Excellent job, Jungkook. It's now time to show Yoongi what we do," Hoseok said, looking pointedly at him. "I need to be as transparent as possible with my possible future-spouse."
"Getting way ahead of yourself, sir."
"Sorry."
*
Once they were inside the store, Hoseok instructed Jungkook to steal the bear-making supplies for the next day while he took quick steps towards the check-out counter, Yoongi on his tail.
"So you basically steal cash and materials? Okay," Yoongi observed.
"You don't sound impressed," Hoseok grinned.
Yoongi blinked.
"Which dentist do you visit?"
"Huh?" Hoseok raised his head, his hands filled with wads of cash.
"Because I want to get my smile all fixed and bright like yours."
Hoseok stumbled and tripped on the emergency rope around the counter, that sent the bells from hell ringing.
"Right," he said. "Make good use of those gorgeous legs and sprint."
*
Hoseok stomped back into the mansion, with Yoongi smiling sheepishly behind him and Jungkook trailing behind them, muttering all along how bad of an idea it was to let Yoongi tag along with them.
