can u not

story time w/ sam

ight homie's sit the fuck down its time for story time w/ sam

so you know the chapter called depression?? so basically this is a sequel to that only the more, um, party, insane, fucked up in the head, scary me.

so, as some of you may know, i have this thing which is called depression. & i also have this thing called anxiety which causes me to miss school everyday bc people make me have what the doctor's call 'anxiety attacks'

so, about a year ago (when i was fifteen) my brother had just turned sixteen & his friend & him have the same birthday's & guess what?? hIS FRIEND GOT BEER FOR US

okay, now before i go any further i have to say if you are a judgmental piece of shit you are to leave right now bc this story is not for people like you

right, now. so, me, my brother, & his friend all got drunk blah blah blah we all got hangovers & didnt remember anything

the next weekend, we did the same thing only this time mine & my brother's friend got a hold of some weed called 'bob marley.' so, as teens, we smoked it you know got high, all this stuff.

this became a regular weekend for me, that friend, & my brother. i guess we had all been through so much shit (aka heartbreak) that all three of us needed something to take away the pain. & the alcohol & drugs did just that. (& in case your wondering, mine & my brother's friend lost his dad too from cancer)

so, like i said before, this became a regular weekend for me and my brother & our friend.

okay im just gonna tell you their names - kenneth & leigh (kenneth's my brother)

so, you know, we done that every weekend & then someone got us moonshine - & for those of you who do not know what moonshine is, it is illegal homemade alcohol made mainly in west virginia & virginia. the moonshine came from a guy we know who knows tickle from the show moonshiners. anyways, we all got drunk & bad things happened.

bad things like leigh getting alcohol poison & me & kenneth getting caught drunk by our aunt who threw a fit

ever since then, i think ive had an addiction to alcohol, & i still get drunk sometimes like a couple of nights ago as i told you on the chapter labeled 'taylor swift'

anywhore, back to the story.

as i said earlier, i have a thing called depression. in all honesty, its like a void place in your soul. but its not a void where you feel nothing, you know? its like its a void that has sadness, self hate, & suicidal thoughts all in one. i dont really know how to explain it. but if you do know, then you might understand.

does that even make sense?

all i know is that, i, samantha, am very fucked up in the head to the point where i have held a gun to my head.

story time over

(btw i was listening to suicidal thoughts by notorious big)