can u not

depression

ok people get your big girl/guy pants on bc this is serious fucking shit

depression - in two words - is life changing.

as a kid, you know i was this really happy kid who smiled a lot & was just a happy person in general. then, something terrible happened.

my dad died.

& before you all get your sympathy letters ready, i don't want your damn sympathy ok?

it happens. shit happens.

so, after that, kindergarden started

DUN DUN DUN

i was only five ok, & everyone else at school had their dad's dropping them off or picking them up. so when i asked my mom why they had a dad & i didn't, she cried.

fucking cried bc of me.

how was she supposed to explain that to a five year old, their dad was never coming back until jesus or god came back (no offense ok my moms always told me he's real pls dont hate me)

then, as i got older, the reality set in that he was never coming back. i cried myself to sleep for, idk how many years bc i missed him so much.

then i met someone.

i loved him, & he told me he loved me.

after like, two years i was just strolling around the park & what do i fucking see????

tHIS BITCH WAS KISSING ANOTHER GIRL oK

naturally, a normal girl would go up to them & blah blah blah but what did i do?? fell to the ground crying.

like, just fell flat on the ground crying. the saddest thing was, my ice cream was in my hands so i kinda killed it. (sorry ice cream)

after that shit, my life kinda went downhill from there

i became more & more antisocial & then something else terrible happened

aNXIETY HAPPENED

like the gif above says, the anxiety i have overwhelms me

like when im in a crowd & there's too many people around ill have anxiety attacks & its real bad

so afterwards, the mist terrible thing that has ever happened to me happened

depression.

i started crying myself to sleep again, not really eating as much, isolating myself from my family & friends, & it was to the point where i wouldn't even get out of bed for school

so my mom sent me to a therapist - which didn't do shit

you wanna know what got me through it? my best friend

she's honestly the most amazing person i've ever met - i don't think i would be writing this if it weren't for her

we have no other friends than a boy (not the asshole who cheated ok) & he's my cousin & i think my best friend & him r gunna get married bc they are perf

anyways, i guess what im trying to say is that depression is kinda like a storm - it comes hurling through you're life when you're least expecting it.

the song above is kinda like my life ok

if you're going through depression, i would tell you it's going to be okay.

but we all know that's a fucking lie.

if you don't have anyone to get through it for - fucking do it for yourself.

"be your own anchor."

- sam