ℝ𝔸ℕ𝔻𝕐 & 𝕁𝔸ℂ𝕂𝕃𝕐ℕ 𝕆ℕ𝔼𝕊ℍ𝕆𝕋𝕊🏳️🌈

I need you but I'm not telling you pt.2

ANDY'S POV
I wake up with double pain I usually wake up with. I go down to the kitchen, my smiling mom having breakfast, she doesn't know anything about what happened, almost a month ago, nobody but Rye knows.

I take the money I earned to pay for school fees. My mom thinks it's my dad's money, that he's giving it to me, that what I earn is saving up for my future.

My mom comes out of the kitchen, going to her office, my dad comes dangerously close to me, threatening expression. "I'll take these" he takes the money from my hands and puts it in his pocket. I'm going crazy, in every sense. I feel like a piece of technology that has just been thrown into the water.

“No, I need them. I have to- I have to pay the school fees”I try to say, after a few minutes of complete silence.

“You don't go to school anymore. Clients love you, you are their whore and I want to enlarge the business” stab, stab, stab after stab. My air has been taken away, everything has just been taken away from me. My future, for which I have worked for years, non-stop, for which I have sacrificed everything, including my body, has just been torn away from me, brutally, torn to pieces, without mercy.

***

The first day is gone. 12 people. 12 people who fucked me like I was a fucking sex object, some kind of doll.
The first one slapped me in the face in several places, apparently turns him on even more, the second wanted me to beg him, the third didn't want to pay me what he owed, and now I find myself with 20 pounds less, they are few, but this it won't stop my dad from taking it out on me.

I walk into the bar, exhausted but aware that if I don't do my other six hours of work, my dad will send me to the hospital.

"You are late!"

"No, I'm 5 minutes early" I reply, checking the time.

"If I say that you are late then it means that you are!" I nod. As always, I nod.

I start doing my job, which is mostly about serving customers, cleaning up and starting all over again. Six hours a day like this, every day.

***

"Andy?" here it is, his voice. I heard it yesterday and yet it seems to me that years have passed.

But I still decide to behave as if in front of my eyes there was a customer like the others, although he, in my eyes, has always been different, although he has behaved like the crowd. 

"What can I do for you?"

“Andy, please” is like he's another guy. That boy I knew until a few days ago is gone, giving way to him, almost a total stranger.

"We have both sweet and savory, drinks of all kinds"

"Fowler, a word" I look at him in terror, but, having no choice, I approach him anyway, entering his office.

"Yes Boss?"

"I have received complaints about the way you treat customers" I don’t say a word, not knowing what to say and above all not understanding who could have done such a thing. I always treat everyone with kindness, except in Ryan's case, when I told him to leave me alone it's just because it's not fair for me to drag other people into my mess. I love him and for this very reason I want to let him live a life worthy of being called as such.

"What complaints?"

"You're fired"

"What? No Please. I will do everything to improve, to be able to work here. I need this job” losing this job means giving my dad a very good reason to kill me. This would mean that my mom would suffer and I can't let this happen. 

"On your knees!"

"What?" he pushes me to the ground, making me put on my knees. He pulls his pants down and what's about to happen takes my breath away.

"Suck whore"

I leave his office after ten minutes. Ten minutes that felt like hours of pure hell. I couldn't breathe and although he hadn't touched me anywhere, I felt pain, I feel pain.

"Andy-"

"Here I am, sorry for the mishap, have you decided what to order?" behaving as if nothing had happened, even when inside I am dying, is a "gift" that I have managed to cultivate over time. I'm not proud of it, but if this works in letting everyone I love out of my mess, then I do, at the cost of looking like an asshole.

"Andy I just want to talk to you"

"I don't have time to talk"

"Andy, I can help you"

"I don't need anyone's help"

"Please"

"No, I ask you to leave me alone, please" he nods in resignation. A sad expression on his face, shining eyes. I've never seen him like this, especially towards me.

***

4 weeks, a whole month that my dad makes me prostitute for money that he uses for his interests, mainly drug deals, alcohol, bills to pay, things like that.
This thing is exhausting. Every day I come home, I lie to my mom and tell her that school is fine, but then when I see her smile I keep that smile in my mind and inexplicably manage to keep going, day after day.
I miss the school, not the people in it. I miss the lessons, the study… I don't have time for these things anymore.
Rye never showed up again. Letting him go was what I wanted, but now that he's actually gone, I feel as if the last remaining part of me has been taken away.
I got what I wanted, for the first time in a while, yet I'm not happy.

"Hi son, how are you?"

"Good mom, I'm just a little tired"

"I see. Would you like a hot chocolate before going to bed? "

"I'd love to, mom" are little moments like these, so I didn't give up. Drinking hot chocolate with my mom before going to sleep, watching some tear-shedding movies, eating with her, feeling her soft lips on my skin when she gives me sweet kisses, her voice, her laugh...